Holy Cow--There Really is a Baby in There!

Well, at long last (and a week earlier than it "should" have been), we had our first appointment! It was scheduled for 3, and I knew that they would probably be running behind. While we waited in the waiting room, I filled out a family medical history form, and TH checked out all the other pregnant women's bumps. I totally caught him doing it--and he laughed and said that he can't wait until I have one.

Just before 4 we were called back, and I finally got to meet my doctor. He is the sweetest man ever! He had kind, twinkly eyes (like how I would imagine Santa's eyes), and he was very huggy (which I love!)--I think by the time the appointment was over I had gotten two or three hugs from him, and even TH had received a man hug.

After the initial chit chat, they wheeled in a u/s machine. It was a little awkward having TH there with me while someone else stuck a wand up my jay-jay, but I guess I'm going to have to get used to things like that. I was anticipating a few tense moments, but almost instantly Dr. was showing us the baby! We went from amazement at "And there's your baby!" to sheer awe at seeing the little one's fluttering heartbeat. It was the most incredible thing to see that little heart fluttering away~153 strong beats per minute! I was hoping he would just sit there for 10 or 15 minutes, just letting us stare at our little one, a hope that, obviously, was not fulfilled. It was over too quickly, but we got pictures to take home with us.

I think it definitely took seeing that heartbeat to make this all real to us, to cement the fact in our minds that there is a baby in there! Before it was just conceptual. Now it's real.

Sprout is measuring dead on: 7 weeks exactly (I had calculated 7 weeks, 1 day) and is the most incredible thing I've ever seen.

I am so in love.

Telling My Parents

It was very, very hard not to tell my parents over the phone as soon as we found out, but we wanted to tell them in person, so we scheduled a trip for them to come down and visit. Since TH and I travel so much, I make a lot of photobooks of our trips--a new photobook to share would have been no surprise to my folks. So I made a photobook of some of the best pictures of our recent trips. The last picture was the digital pregnancy test saying "pregnant." I don't know why, but I was way more nervous about telling my parents than I was about telling the in-laws last week!

Here's the video of our big reveal! It's kind of long (my mom flipping through the book and oohing and ahhing politely), so feel free to skip to the exciting part at the end (about 3:20).

Prenatal exercise

Without making all kinds of excuses let's just say that I let myself fall completely off the workout wagon after my race last spring and have stayed fallen off. (Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!) I know that I need to do something, even if it's just walking. I even made TH promise before we ever got pg that he would go on walks with me every day when I finally got KU.

Well, here I am, 6 weeks 2 days pg and I've been on a grand total of four walks. I'm not happy about this.

Part of the problem is that I want TH to walk with me, so I wait until the evenings. But we don't get done with work until 5:30, and I HAVE to eat something right after work, which puts our walk at the earliest starting at 6:30 and quite frankly I've been too doggone tired in the evenings to make myself do it! It just hasn't been happening.

So I told TH last night at dinner that I was going to start going for my walks in the morning. I'm waking up earlier than my alarm anyway. I used to workout in the morning religiously. I like the way it makes me feel for the rest of the day. And I don't have to worry about being too tired to do it.

TH is not a morning person. TH was not happy to hear my new plan.

But, a promise is a promise (and I might have added something about me having to go through a lot to make his baby and the least he could do is go on a freaking walk with me in the morning), so he reluctantly agreed to the pre-dawn jaunts.

This morning the alarm went of at 6 and although it was very cozy under the covers, I knew I had to roll my ass out of bed and do this. And he did too. That didn't go over well. He started to BMG (bitch-moan-and-groan). I burst into tears. (Dumb pg hormones...but I must say, effective!) He felt bad and was suddenly Mr. I-love-morning-walks and started getting dressed. And this is when this story became blog worthy.

He put his sports-pants on top of his pajama pants. He put on a T-shirt. A long-sleeve shirt. AND THEN HIS BATH ROBE. He topped it off with his giant puffy ski jacket. That's right, four layers on top, one of which was his bath robe, and the other of which was designed for winter sports. Real winter. Not 40-degree Texas winter.

I was so glad it was dark. He is definitely going to be the parent who embarrasses our kids.

He was so pissy the rest of the morning from not having gotten all the sleep he wanted and having been forced from bed to walk around the neighborhood in his bathrobe that I decided it's just not worth it.

I'll be looking for a prenatal yoga DVD this weekend.

Telling the In-Laws

TH's parents were in town over the weekend to celebrate my father in-law's (FIL) birthday. Originally we were going to wait to tell his parents, as they can be a bit . . . overwhelming . . . but we decided that telling on FIL's birthday was just too good of an opportunity to pass up.

So we got him this onesie. Zeyde means "grandfather" in Yiddish, and Bubbie means "grandmother."
We folded it so that only the words showed and FIL would have to actually pick it up to see what it was, and then we wrapped it in a regular shirt box.

My only regret is that we didn't catch how it all unfolded on video. You'll just have to imagine the scene, which will be improved if you can manage to read FIL's part with a thick Russian accent.

::::we give him the box::::

FIL: Oooh, it's clothes.

me: It is clothes! We didn't know what size to get you though.

::::FIL takes two minutes to unwrap the box, being careful not to rip any of the paper. As he finally lifts off the lid and starts to make his way through the tissue paper, TH squeezes my knee with excitement::::

FIL: Oh, that's nice!

::::He takes the onesie out of the box and holds it up::::

FIL: very nice!

::::He holds the onesie up to his chest::::

FIL: See? It's my size!

::::I start to wonder what the hell is going on::::

FIL: Oooh, look at this! Little snaps on the bottom!

me: yeah. Snaps.

::::I wonder if he has ever seen a onesie before, and then rationalize that SURELY he can tell by the tiny freaking size of the piece of clothing that it's for a BABY::::

::::FIL turns onesie around and reads the front of it::::

FIL: Oh, look at this. Do you know what zeyde means?

TH: Do YOU know what zeyde means?

FIL: Yes. It means grandfather.

TH: That's right. It means grandfather.

::::TH and I stare at FIL, screaming GET IT?!?!?!? with our eyes::::

(wait for it)

(waaaait for it)

::::FIL loses all expression from his face and physically staggers backwards::::

(THERE it is!)

It was so quintessentially him. If ever you could describe an old Russian man as an airhead, he's the one who would fit that description. I am still kicking myself we didn't get it on film. He then went on to yell "Oh my God!" 10 or 15 times and proceeded to have hot flashes. We had to turn the fan on him.

The rest of the night he wanted "to sit by his grandchild" at dinner and proceeded to tell us all about when his two sons were born, which, by the way, if you ever want to really and truly appreciate having babies in 21st century America, listen to stories about having babies in Soviet-controlled Russia. Yikes.

And he kissed me a lot. And touched my belly. And asked what we were going to do about childcare and said that it was unacceptable that we will be putting a 3-month old into day care and that they would have to move to our area so that they could be closer.

Yeah. Like I said. Overwhelming.

But the news is out! Hopefully they will be good and not tell anyone until we give them the green light. Chances of that actually happening...............................?

Nursery Progress

So, we had the carpet guys finally back today to install the new carpet. He has been out to our house several times now, but hadn't seen the room painted. Here's how that went:

him: Wow, are you pregnant?

me: yep!

him: Congrats! Soo....was it planned?

me: (shocked but polite laugh) yes.

him: Oh. That's good. 'Cause none of my three were.

And then later, as they were leaving:

him: so, how many months pregnant are you?

me: oh, just a little over one.

him: how long have you been married?

me: in April it will be four years.

him: Man! And you guys are just NOW getting around to having kids??? In my family, that's WHY you get married.

me: *polite laugh*

him: yeah, your life is sure going to change. No more of this super clean, nice house.

me: yeah, I know. We're ready for it, though!

him: I wasn't ready for it. I had my first when I was 14.

me: (shocked face)

him: yeah, but we got married, and we're still married, so I guess it's all good. My oldest is 17 now, so I figure in a few years, we can start traveling and do all the stuff we didn't get to do before. Unless we have another. It's possible you know. Even after you get fixed.

me: Uh, ok, thanks, we'll call you again! Bye!

Poor guy. No social filter whatsoever. He's lucky that I'm married to someone with a similarly inoperative social filter and I understood.

So, here are the pics so far! The only thing left to do it the chair rail. Yay! (Yes, it's blue. Yes, we're considering it a gender-neutral nursery. Yes we think girl nurseries can look cute in blue, especially with pink accents.)

This is what we started with:

I am a master taper!

First color done!

Missed a step here. The second color is now on and the stars are taped.

Aw! TH did a fantastic job with the stars!! He wouldn't let me in to see until he was done. He touched up every single one by hand. It helps to have an OCD artist in charge of the final touches!

All that remains is a white chair rail on the border between the top and bottom. Yay!!

Wow, Universe! That was Fast!

So, not even two hours after blogging about how slow I felt like time was moving and how long I still had to wait until my first doctor's appointment, the doctor's office called and said that they had to reschedule my appointment! She tried to bump it back a day, but I asked if they had any openings the week before, and they did!

My new appointment is 1/27, almost a full week earlier! Hallelujah!!

Thank you, universe!!

Tick Freakin' Tock

Two weeks ago today I was staring down at a pregnancy test, trying to decide if my eyes were playing tricks on me or if there actually was a second line there. Two weeks. I've known I am pregnant for two weeks.

Everyone talks about how time flies when you're pregnant, how you can't believe when you're done with your first trimester, how you can't believe you are down to the double digits in your countdown to your due date, how you still have so much stuff to do and you're not sure you're going to have time to get it all done because gosh darn-it time is just going by so quickly!

To be clear, I don't want my pregnancy to pass in the blink of an eye. I want to enjoy every second of it. But my first appointment with my doctor is another 2 1/2 weeks from now. It's only been two weeks, and I have at least that long, plus another four days to go 'til I get to go to the doctor and have this whole thing legitimized. 'Til I get to see Sprout's fluttering heart. 'Til I get to rest a little easier.

These last two weeks certainly have not flown by! They've actually been two very long weeks. I cannot believe it's only been 14 days. And I still have that long, plus a little, to go.

Oi vey. Tick freakin' tock.

Starting to Feel It

Today I am 5 weeks pregnant! Yay! According to the book, Sprout's liver has started functioning and his/her little heart will start beating sometime this week.

I am starting to feel a little more every day. I've been very, very tired. Right now, I am tired. I seriously considered shutting my door at 11 a.m. today and taking a nap at my desk. I had a wonderful little spurt of energy at about 3 p.m that lasted, oh, about 12 minutes. Weekends pass in a lovely blur of inactivity. Saturday and Sunday, TH worked on touch-ups on the nursery while I snoozed on the couch. When he asked me what I was going to do while he was working, I told him "build a human." Hey, that takes a lot of energy!

My boobies are officially sore. And, they're getting bigger! I didn't think it would happen so quickly, but when we took my weekly photo last night, TH looked at them suspiciously through my sports bra and asked, "Are your boobs getting bigger???" And hot damn, they are! I gave him a quick flash, you know, for scientific observation, and he looked so shocked by their appearance I got embarrassed and quickly covered back up. When I put on my bra this morning, I saw something I have never seen before: cleavage!! Luckily they aren't really painful all the time--just a mild ache. And super sensitive. TH brushed one of my nips through a T-shirt and a sports bra and it earned him a punch and a yelp, "Why would you DO that!??"

And I think I'm starting to have...opinions...about food. All I could think about Sunday morning was a bean burrito, so we looked up what time Taco Bell opened (Sweet Jesus, 10 a.m., thank you!!) and it was probably the best Taco Bell I've ever had in my entire life. No lie. And I didn't finish my toast this morning with breakfast. It just tasted so...dry.

TH is, as expected, the world's best dad-to-be. As mentioned above, he tells me to rest while he works on the nursery. He goes to Taco Bell for breakfast! He stops by the store on the way home from work b/c I told him I was sad we were out of clementines. He brought me roses. He sends me emails at random times throughout the day saying things like, "Thinking about you and the baby make me smile at the most random times! I'm so excited!" He tells me to get anything tiny little thing I mention I saw on-line (my most recent score: this sweet calendar that gives you a day-by-day narrative of the baby's development from the baby's point of view!). He talks to my tummy and tells Sprout he can't wait to meet him/her.

I love love love all my symptoms. I love having sore boobs! I love being tired! I love craving refried beans at 9 a.m! I love my sweet husband who is doing so much without complaining about a single thing.

We are going to start telling our families this weekend! It's TH's dad's birthday, and they are coming into town to celebrate. Next weekend my family is coming into town, and then my dad's birthday is 2/9. I can't wait!!

My Boobies Hurt

Woohoo!

Have a great weekend!

My Little Overachiever

So, we had blood work done. I know it wasn't necessary, but it wasn't exactly unnecessary either! When I called to schedule my first appointment, which won't be until 2/2, I told the nurse that I was hoping to get a little more support or guidance through the first 8 weeks. She said I could come in and do blood work if I wanted to, and they could tell a lot from that. Didn't even need an appointment. With that kind of open door, of course we chose to do it!

I had my first draw Tuesday morning. When the nurse called back that afternoon with my results, she started with, "Well, I have your results." Now, let's pause here and discuss. I have had the *cough* luck *cough* of having had bad medical news in the past. When someone starts with, "Well, I have your results," it ain't good. She went on to say in a soft, "I'm sorry" voice that I was pregnant but just barely. My beta # was 124, which the lab estimated put me at about 2-3 weeks pregnant. She asked me if that aligned with my own calculation. At this point I was tearing up and had closed the door to my office. "Well," I told her, "My little ticker thing says I'm at 4 weeks and a day. I'm supposed to be 15 days past ovulation."

Then she goes, "Hmmm...our lab didn't do this work. I wonder if the other lab is measuring from LMP or from conception. Hang on a sec." I was put on hold. At this point I was freaking out, reeling from her tone of voice, from her "just barely." I had spotted earlier in the afternoon and was already freaked out about that. Now this nurse was on the phone sounding like she was trying to break something to me gently. My stomach was cinched up into a tiny ball and was hurting so bad I had to sit down.

Then the nurse got back on the phone and says, "So they do it differently than we do. They measure from conception. So you should be 2-3 weeks from conception. So that puts you right on track! Congratulations!" all chipper and shit.

I wanted to reach through the phone and throttle her! Why the hell wouldn't you make SURE you know what results you're giving before you get on the phone to give them!?!? A couple of google searches later indeed confirmed that 124 was perfectly on track for how far along I was.

All that remained was for that number to double. TH suggested going back on Friday, giving it three days to double since some of the things he had read said it would double every two to three days, but there was no way I was waiting any longer than I had to, especially after that phone call. We went back in Thursday morning for the second draw, and the rest of the morning I tried desperately to distract myself. I carried my cell phone with me everywhere--to the copier, to the water fountain, to the bathroom--determined not to miss her call. I just wanted to hear anything over 200. If it could possibly take three days to double, anything over 200 would set my mind at ease that things were moving in the right direction.

The call came just after lunch, and I knew as soon as she said "Hey there!" that the results were good. She said I had "great" results: 382!!

So, our little Sprout went from 124 to 382 in 48 hours. Already a little overachiever.

With that behind us, there is nothing left to do but relax. I realized on Tuesday after freaking out about the spotting and the stupid nurse's call that in reality, there's not one thing I can do to affect this. There are only two possibilities: either Sprout is here to stay, in which case I need to not flood his/her little developing system with stress hormones, or something is going to happen, in which case I don't want the time we have together to be spent worrying.

I am embracing my lack of control and enjoying being pregnant! We are going to start telling our family next weekend. We bought our first cute little onesies (gender neutral, of course!) and hung them in the nursery. I un-registered for the 100-mile bike ride I had signed up for. We looked up what the September birth stone is. We are 100% go, not worried, looking-forward-to-everything pregnant!

In fact, waiting until 2/2 for the first appointment doesn't even seem so bad anymore. (We'll see how long that lasts!)

My First Pregnancy Symptom

Dear Sprout,

Yesterday, I got a healthy dose of my very first pregnancy symptom: worry.

Since we found out about you on New Year's Day, your dad and I have been on cloud nine, gleefully roaming the isles of baby stores, blissfully discussing names and nursery furniture, excitedly figuring out creative ways to tell your grandparents and aunts and uncles that you are here! I hadn't worried one bit yet. You were still a mystery to me. Still a line on a pregnancy test. Still something I had only dreamed about, something I had not yet realized was no longer just a dream, but a tiny little reality.

And then yesterday dawned, and you were my first thought, and I felt normal. I felt the way I have felt for years and years and years. I felt the way I felt a week ago, before I knew about you. I felt they way I used to feel, before you. Without you. And I worried.

I worried that something was wrong. I worried about everything that I had read about percentages and probabilities. I want to feel proof of your presence. I want my body to show me that it knows that you're there, that it's taking care of you.

I know worry is as much a part of this deal as love is. Yesterday was the first day I worried about you, the first day of the rest of my life spent filled with worry--and love--for you. I know I will worry about you until I see your strong little heart beating on the screen. And then I will worry about you until I can hear it. And then until I can feel you moving inside me. And then until I hold you in my arms and hear you crying and breathing and living. And then I will worry about you when you are crying, when you are breathing, when you are living. I will worry when I look at you, and I will worry when you're out of sight. When I go away for the first time. When you go away for the first time. I will worry about you when I go to work and when you go to school. I will worry about you when you're alone, and when you're with friends. Especially when you're with friends. I will worry about you when you move out, worry that we did enough in the time we had to prepare you for all the things you will have to face on your own. And for the rest of your life, through every relationship, job, apartment, house, trip, and event you fill your life with, I will worry.

What a wonderful thing this love is. What a wonderful, terrible thing.

You have changed me already.

With love (and deep, calming breaths),
your mom

Fun Times

Fun Times #1:

So fun to see the line get darker and darker! Pics are from 10 to 13 DPO (today).



Fun Times #2:
I must be either overwhelmed with the last four days we've had or starting to get hormonal. I was watching Top Gun this morning, waiting for TH to wake up, and it made me cry. Seriously.

Ice Man: You are still dangerous....but you can be my wingman any time.

Maverick: Bullshit. You can be mine.

::::bro hug::::

Me: sob


Fun Times #3:
We made a name list! Obviously it's entirely possible that Sprout's name will be something totally new and different than what's on the list, but these are the top names we've come up with after about 11 years of talking about this (it was always one of our favorite ways to kill time on road trips home to see the family when we were in college). And the best part is you can vote on it! Click on the box in the right column and sound off.

Fun Times #4:
Yesterday TH worked on finishing the nursery while he insisted that I take a nap. (There are so many great things about that sentence.) All that's left is painting the stars and putting in the chair rail, and TH's working on the stars as I type! I'll post some pictures as soon as it's presentable (we're still waiting on getting the new carpet put back in). We are so glad we got a jump start on this a month ago! Our families are coming into town this month and not only do we need to get the dresser out of the hallway, we are so excited to show them a room that is already so nearly complete!

So right now we're just enjoying all the fun times this pregnancy has brought us so far. We know it won't all be so easy and entertaining, and we are grateful for the smooth and exciting start!

n00b Conversation #1

From our walk together last night:

TH: When will your boobs start making milk? I mean, I don't want to be messing around and licking them and have it squirt me in my eye!

Me: Pay-back's a bitch, sucka!

(yes, I did tell him later that the milk doesn't come in until after the baby is born (right???), but I let him squirm for a little bit first.)

Wow.

There is no other word for it. Just wow.

I am overwhelmed by the response to our incredible news. A husband who told his wife to call him when I tested again. A woman who's never posted before saying that she's been following our story and praying for us. I am overwhelmed and humbled. How I got to the place where I have so many people who care about me, about us, about our story, I will never know. I just pray that I enrich others' lives as much as they enrich mine.

I spent today trying to get used to the idea that we're pregnant. Ha! Pregnant! It all still seems so surreal. I get to post on the 1st Tri board now??? I should start looking for coupons and give-aways on diapers??? We went to Babies-R-Us this afternoon and just walked around, trying to get acclimated to the world of babies. We'd been in the store before, shopping for friends' showers. But this time it was for us. We were there for us. I struggled not to feel like a poser. It was real. I belonged in that store! We went to Janie and Jack and the salesman asked us who we were shopping for. TH and I both paused for a second--dare we say it aloud? Dare we embrace it wholly and without reservation or discomfort?--before TH blurted out "us!"

We went to Barnes and Noble and bought a week-by-week pregnancy book for me and a companion "Dad's" book for TH. Reading the first chapter on the way home, reading about blastocysts and the importance of exercise and all the ways I will need my husband to be there for me as my body and emotions go through drastic changes, it was all a little overwhelming.

This is real. I'm no longer day dreaming about babies. Or being pregnant. Or being a mom. It's really real!

I tried to call my doctor's office to set up the first appointment, but dang it if they weren't closed for the holiday! What holiday??? Since when is January 2 a holiday?? There are newly-pregnant women out here who need to feel like they've accomplished that important first step, who need to feel like their pregnancy is valid, verified by medical professionals! Now I'll have to wait 'til Monday. Which is probably best anyway, since it's just then that I'll officially be "late."

So this weekend will be spent continuing to pee on sticks (the line was darker this morning! yay!), and finishing off painting the nursery. And mundane, non-baby related tasks like taking down the Christmas decorations.

TH has named it "Sprout." He talks to it, tells it how he can't wait to meet him/her. But he also looked somberly at me last night as I lay down, exhausted, to fall asleep, my first time with the knowledge that someone else was laying down with me. "I will never love the baby more than I love you," he whispered. He makes my heart overflow.

Since clearly I have an affinity for journaling, I will continue to use this blog as a chronicle of my journey to motherhood and beyond! Part of that will include letters to Sprout. I hope you won't mind the audience shift from time to time.

3 weeks, 4 days pregnant. Not quite used to it yet, but I'm getting there!

Happy 2009!

Not a bad way to start the year, eh?

+ HPT at 10 DPO . . . oh. my. god!

This morning has been a total blur. I tested at 10 a.m. with a FRER and snuggled in bed with TH while we waited for the 3 minutes to tick by. Trying to prepare him for the let down, I told him it was still very early, that it would probably be negative. We both jumped up when it was time and looked at the test together. I didn't see anything. He was so sure it would be positive that he didn't believe me that there wasn't a second line. I told him to look at it as closely as he wanted. "Can you convince yourself that you see something?" I asked him, knowing that the answer had to be "no."

But that's when he said, "yes!" I snatched it back out of his hand and looked again, and low and behold, if you rotated it 72 degrees to the right and stood on your right leg and stuck out your tongue and looked with squinty eyes, it did actually appear that there was a second line! For the next five minutes or so, we debated back and forth whether there was a line there or not. Confronted with the incredible possibility that all our trying had paid off, TH was suddenly scared to get his hopes up. He kept thinking it was just because we wanted to see a line there. So we tried pretending like we were just casually dating and did not want to be pregnant and then looked at it(haha). Nope, there was definitely a line there! As you can see in the picture, it was the faintest of faint lines!

The only way to know for sure was to use a digital. But I had used all my pee! So for the next four hours, I emailed my closest friends, freaking out about whether or not they saw a second line. Just as we were getting ready to go get some lunch, I felt the urge and knew it was time for the big guns.

If I thought waiting three minutes for the first test had been hard, it was nothing compared to these three minutes! We both ran in and looked together, and sure enough, the most beautiful word in the world greeted us! We screamed and jumped up and down like maniacs, until TH ordered me to immediately stop jumping. Hot damn, holy shit, I'm pregnant!

As you could tell from my previous posts, I really didn't think anything was up this month. My sore back I figured was from the painting or putting together the bookshelves. I did not have extra creamy CM. My boobs weren't sore. Nada. And yet there it is, clear as digital technology: pregnant.

We went to lunch and suddenly had a whole new world of things to talk about--not just hypothetically talk about, but actually, really talk about! When were we going to tell our parents? How were we going to tell our parents? Names, due date, whether I'm going to continue cycling with the TNT team I just signed up with, whether this had any impact on the trip TH was planning for my 30th birthday (for the record, it was going to be Machu Picchu and we don't think a trip to rural South America and a three-day hike up the Inca trail (which is the only way we'd do it) is really best for a pregnant woman, so it looks like trip plans are changing!)), etc. Goodbye lunch meat and chocolate and hot dogs! Goodbye beer and champagne (good thing I got a last one of each of you in last night)!

We haven't stopped smiling like goobers for hours. My cheeks are actually cramping!

The TTC journey was much more difficult than we had ever imagined it would be. It taught me a lot about not letting my emotions rule my life (not sure exactly how successful I was with that, but I did understand the lesson). When I asked TH what he got out of it, he said "a lot more sex than usual." I should never have expected a different answer.

And now it's on to the next journey, the next adventure. And I cannot wait.

3 weeks, 3 days pregnant.