When to Wean

Weaning baby girl was easy, from a logistical standpoint. I was already pregnant again. I went through a couple of months both being pregnant and nursing, and my milk supply just dwindled down to nothing all on its own. We made it to 14 months. Letting it go was hard, but I knew I had another little one on the way, that the baby growing inside deserved the uncontested resources of my body, that I'd be nursing again soon enough.

But this time is different. There's no new baby on the way. My supply is fine. We've been nursing only morning and night for a couple of months now, and it's easy. First thing in the morning. Then again right before bath time. And honestly, I like that I've been able to go longer this time. Little man turned 15 months over the weekend, and I'd love to be able to say that we went 16 months, or 18 months.

But I'm wondering if I'm just getting the itch for a break. I've been either pregnant or nursing for more than 3.5 years. That's how long it's been since I've had my body to myself. And with my new photography business, of course the prime time for summer sessions is right through bedtime. I've been lucky that I've been able to schedule morning sessions for the most part, but do I want to keep being restricted like that? And if I have to drive to San Antonio or Houston or Dallas for a session, I have to make it a day trip unless I want to bring at least him along with me, if not both of them.

Sometimes, I think longingly of just being . . . free?

And then, man do I feel like a selfish cow. I know that breast milk is still good for him, even at this age. I know that it helps keep him healthy, and with as rough a winter as we had last year, I feel like weaning him right before winter rolls around is foolhardy. And it would be different if he were fighting it, if he were disinterested. I thought he might be getting to the point where he could take or leave it, but then one morning I had to get up to help baby girl with something halfway through our morning nursing session, and he lost.his.mind. He thought I was ending the session and cried so hard that big, fat crocodile tears rolled down his sweet cheeks. He kept pointing back to the room and crying. We, of course, went back to his room to finish off, and once he'd nursed on both sides, he was happy and ready to go play.

So . . . it's hard. I'm not sure what the right thing to do is. It seems appealing in some ways to have the freedom to be able to miss an evening for work, or be gone for a night. But I still enjoy the cuddles, the quiet time we have, and he still enjoys it to.

Sometimes I wish he'd self-wean, but then I think about how that would hurt, feeling like he didn't want me anymore. But then I think about me weaning him before he's ready, and I think that would hurt even more.

Still waiting on that magic 8 ball of parenting to arrive and answer all my questions for me.

Sigh.

News

I'm a utter failure at blogging lately. It's not only that I feel bad that some of you have really taken the time to become vested in our lives, read what I write, comment on it, think of us, etc., but that I had really high hopes of being able to use this blog as a quasi-baby book since I knew ahead of time I would NEVER get around to making and keeping up with an actual physical book. This blog is my history, my stories, my memories, and there are growing gaps that I will never be able to go back in and recover.

BUT. I have a really good excuse.

I started a business.

A photography business, to be exact.

Check it out: www.happysoulphotography.com

It had long been in our plans for me to do this when the kids hit school age as a way for me to earn an income while still having more flexibility than my office job allowed me. With the events of this spring, and me leaving my job much sooner than we'd planned, we had to step up the pace a bit and get this thing going. I worked all spring and summer finding people to be my test-subjects, learning the editing process, researching small business law and how to build websites.

Oh, and actually taking pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. And editing them. And re-editing them some more until I started to get the hang of it and started liking what I was seeing. This was while finishing out my full-time job, while staying home with the kids when they're sick, while working part-time from home now (b/c I have to have SOME income while this all gets going!). I've actually been much, much busier than I ever was while just working my 40 hours.

But the stress is gone. Totally gone. The days I spend shooting and editing and blogging pass so quickly, and I feel so challenged and fulfilled and like I'm really doing something for people that will make them happy. And that makes ME happy.

So yeah, blogging here has fallen by the wayside, and I'm sorry for that. Sorry for my readers and sorry for myself, for my own memories that didn't get captured. I hope to be able to find a nice balance now that the business has launched.

And maybe  you'll just have to add my new photo blog to your reader, and keep up with me there. ;)

Thanks for coming back to read, interwebz, every time I pop up after a long time away.

(Oh, and OBVS you need to come like me on FB! www.facebook.com/happysoulphotography)