29 weeks pregnant today, baby girl! The last week that will start with a "2," the last seven days before the "3-" weeks get here and the final countdown is on. Yay!!
Your daddy has become a total rock star in the last several weeks, building furniture, finishing the chair rail in the nursery, keeping the house in shape . . . and that's on top of his "regular" job, which is also requiring him to work a bit of overtime now. Your room is starting to really come together--your changing table and bookshelf are in, so now we can actually start decorating, organizing, and putting the final touches on it. I know you're just going to love your room--it was built with so much love.
This last weekend we took a tour of the hospital where you will be born. Just being there and learning all about how the labor and delivery will go down, we both got so excited! We realized we are getting to the real part of this now, as opposed to just the planning part. We saw the room where I will hopefully spend my labor and delivery (if I don't have to have a C-section) and the nursery where they will take you for your first bath and all your official first measurements. Even though you can't stay in the room with me for those important moments, your daddy is going to be with you every second, watching over you. I am a little sad that he will be there without me for your first bath, able to drink up the sight of your wiggly adorableness for those 30 minutes without me, but I guess that is just the beginning of the new state of things after you're born. I won't get you all to myself anymore. Your daddy felt so proud that he had the responsibility of staying with you the entire time. I know that he is just as excited about your birth, and the important role he will play in it, as I am!
We had our last monthly doctor's appointment this morning--from here on out, it will be every 2-3 weeks, and then weekly at the end! I had my blood sugar test; I had to drink a sweet orange drink that tasted kind of like orange Hawaiian Punch, and then an hour later they drew blood to make sure that my body is processing the sugar correctly. You aren't really used to that much sugar at once--on the way to the doctor's office I turned on some good music and you had your very own little dance party in there. You are still measuring beautifully, consistently one week ahead. As best as they can tell, you now weigh 3.5 lbs! You were turned back around, head down, (you were head up for the first time two weeks ago at the sonogram appointment), so if you could just go ahead and stay head down, that would be great. It will make things so much easier on both of us.
From here on out, baby girl, life will be busy, busy, busy. Our weekends are booked from now until the end of August! Luckily all the things we have coming up are wonderful, exciting, fun activities. Lots of visits with family and friends, and starting next week, your daddy and I will go to a class every Tuesday night that will help us learn how to get ready for your birth. If I try to do too much, I know that you'll help remind me to slow down and take it easy.
If you haven't figured it out by now, I love you. I love being pregnant, feeling you squirm, seeing my stomach grow with you, getting the house and our lives ready for you to join us. And I love knowing that the next 11 weeks will pass in a delightful blur of preparation, and that you will be in our arms before we know it. I can't wait.
How far along?: 29 weeks
Total weight gain: 16 lbs
How big is baby?: estimated 3 lbs, 7 ounces
Maternity clothes?: Yep, and I've already outgrown some of them. Yikes. Looks like more shopping may be in my future.
Stretch marks?: Nope--my mom said she never really got any, so my fingers are crossed!
Sleep?: Sleep is becoming a little more hit-or-miss. When I wake up to turn over now, I actually wake up. Then I have to settle in and go back to sleep. (Whereas before, I just kind of turned over in a sleepy stupor.)
Best moment this week?: Getting so much progress done on the nursery!
Movement?: Every day. I love it.
Food cravings?: The other day I wanted wedding cake so badly I actually considered crashing a wedding just to steal a slice, but I managed to hold the urge at bay. Not sure if that was an actual craving or just a stressful day at work.
Labor signs?: Nope--I've started getting more BH contractions, but they typically only happen a couple of days a week.
Belly button in or out?: Still in . . . is it possible it will never stick out??
What I miss: Being able to be more self-sufficient when it comes to projects around the house, like moving boxes, building furniture, etc.
What I'm looking forward to: Getting to see her in two weeks in 3D/4D with my family in attendance.
Milestone: Into the third tri now. Wow!
Monday, June 29, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
D is for Determination
D was a hard one for me to settle on, baby girl. It came down to Dreams and Determination. The final decision was that dreams are only dreams unless you have the determination to achieve them, so I went with that. But know that dreams are vital. Know that dreams give you direction and purpose.
So, determination. It's really quite simple. All the things we have talked about already, all the things we will still discuss, all of them are fueled by determination. You can attempt to have the best attitude in the world, you can decide to be courageous, but it's when it really matters, when you are faced with challenges that test your attitude, that test your courage, it's then that determination comes into play. Determination is what gives you the strength you'll need to maintain your attitude in the face of negativity. Determination is what gives you the fortitude you'll need to stay courageous.
Sometimes you will know why you are fighting, what you are fighting for. You will know when and why you have to rely upon your own stubborn determination to get you through. Other times, it won't be (or stay) as clear to you. There will be lots of times that a voice inside your head whispers to you, "Give up. Why are you putting yourself through this? It would be so easy to just give up, and it won't really matter in the long run. People fail all the time. It's ok to fail. Just give up." It's those times, baby girl, when you'll have to remember that sometimes you just have to stay determined for determination's sake. Sometimes you just have to keep going without knowing why, without being convinced that it's worth it. You will doubt yourself. It's in those moments of doubt that determination steps in and is your strength for you, when determination alone becomes your faith, your purpose, your motivation.
Nothing great in life can be achieved without determination. Set goals for yourself. Have dreams. A life without goals, without dreams, is a life that is wasted, adrift on the sea of time, until your time runs out and you realize you never got anywhere. So having direction is the first step. Determination is the fuel that gets you there.
You are my daughter. I know you will have it within you to fight for your dreams. Determination will be in your marrow, the deepest cells of your brain, in every beat of your heart, which learned its rhythm from my own beating heart. You will be called stubborn more times that I can tell you. Take it as a compliment. Take it as an observation that you have both a direction and the determination to make it there. Determination is never a bad thing. Never. Sometimes you will need to re-evaluate your direction, your goals, your dreams. They may need revising. The contexts under which they were set may have changed. Be open to that.
But remember, having the determination to achieve whatever goals, whatever dreams you set, no matter how far away, no matter how complicated, no matter how difficult, that is always amazing.
Be determined. Be determined, and no matter where that determination takes you, no matter what dreams you chased, you will have gotten somewhere, you will have achieved something.
And that is what gives life meaning.
So, determination. It's really quite simple. All the things we have talked about already, all the things we will still discuss, all of them are fueled by determination. You can attempt to have the best attitude in the world, you can decide to be courageous, but it's when it really matters, when you are faced with challenges that test your attitude, that test your courage, it's then that determination comes into play. Determination is what gives you the strength you'll need to maintain your attitude in the face of negativity. Determination is what gives you the fortitude you'll need to stay courageous.
Sometimes you will know why you are fighting, what you are fighting for. You will know when and why you have to rely upon your own stubborn determination to get you through. Other times, it won't be (or stay) as clear to you. There will be lots of times that a voice inside your head whispers to you, "Give up. Why are you putting yourself through this? It would be so easy to just give up, and it won't really matter in the long run. People fail all the time. It's ok to fail. Just give up." It's those times, baby girl, when you'll have to remember that sometimes you just have to stay determined for determination's sake. Sometimes you just have to keep going without knowing why, without being convinced that it's worth it. You will doubt yourself. It's in those moments of doubt that determination steps in and is your strength for you, when determination alone becomes your faith, your purpose, your motivation.
Nothing great in life can be achieved without determination. Set goals for yourself. Have dreams. A life without goals, without dreams, is a life that is wasted, adrift on the sea of time, until your time runs out and you realize you never got anywhere. So having direction is the first step. Determination is the fuel that gets you there.
You are my daughter. I know you will have it within you to fight for your dreams. Determination will be in your marrow, the deepest cells of your brain, in every beat of your heart, which learned its rhythm from my own beating heart. You will be called stubborn more times that I can tell you. Take it as a compliment. Take it as an observation that you have both a direction and the determination to make it there. Determination is never a bad thing. Never. Sometimes you will need to re-evaluate your direction, your goals, your dreams. They may need revising. The contexts under which they were set may have changed. Be open to that.
But remember, having the determination to achieve whatever goals, whatever dreams you set, no matter how far away, no matter how complicated, no matter how difficult, that is always amazing.
Be determined. Be determined, and no matter where that determination takes you, no matter what dreams you chased, you will have gotten somewhere, you will have achieved something.
And that is what gives life meaning.
Friday, June 26, 2009
C is for Courage
Courage. I can just hear the Cowardly Lion spit the word out.
Courage. The easiest thing in the world to know about. The hardest thing in the world to have. That's because it's only when you are confronted with something bigger than yourself, something that makes you want to stomp your foot and scream "But it's not FAIR!", something that makes you want to give up, to run away, to curl up under a blanket and ignore its existence, it's only then that courage comes into play.
A wise man once said, "Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway." (I know you and your generation will have your own heroes, your own icons, but John Wayne was a great one. I have to wonder if you will ever know his name, if you will ever recognize why he was so heroic, so iconic.)
That's why it's so hard, this courage thing. Because the first step is being scared to death.
I wish I could tell you, baby girl, that you will never face that kind of fear in your life. You will. It will come in all shapes and sizes. Tasks you feel are beyond your ability. Events that seem too difficult to handle. Decisions that threaten to overcome you.
And in all honesty, I can't tell you that I wish I could protect you from these tribulations, keep them from ever reaching you. (Does that make me sound like a bad mother? Hear me out. This is why these notes to you are so important. It allows me to explain myself without getting all flustered. It allows me to figure out what I really mean for you.) You see, it is only in facing that fear, that challenge, that obstacle, it is only in the midst of those hardships that your courage is developed. It is only then that you learn to saddle up anyway.
It isn't courage if you aren't scared. Courage is being scared to death but doing it anyway. Finding the strength within yourself to stand and face your demons. Even if your hands shake. Even if your breath fails you.
So, my sweet girl, I wish for you not a lack of hardships, but rather the courage you need to face them.
Courage. The easiest thing in the world to know about. The hardest thing in the world to have. That's because it's only when you are confronted with something bigger than yourself, something that makes you want to stomp your foot and scream "But it's not FAIR!", something that makes you want to give up, to run away, to curl up under a blanket and ignore its existence, it's only then that courage comes into play.
A wise man once said, "Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway." (I know you and your generation will have your own heroes, your own icons, but John Wayne was a great one. I have to wonder if you will ever know his name, if you will ever recognize why he was so heroic, so iconic.)
That's why it's so hard, this courage thing. Because the first step is being scared to death.
I wish I could tell you, baby girl, that you will never face that kind of fear in your life. You will. It will come in all shapes and sizes. Tasks you feel are beyond your ability. Events that seem too difficult to handle. Decisions that threaten to overcome you.
And in all honesty, I can't tell you that I wish I could protect you from these tribulations, keep them from ever reaching you. (Does that make me sound like a bad mother? Hear me out. This is why these notes to you are so important. It allows me to explain myself without getting all flustered. It allows me to figure out what I really mean for you.) You see, it is only in facing that fear, that challenge, that obstacle, it is only in the midst of those hardships that your courage is developed. It is only then that you learn to saddle up anyway.
It isn't courage if you aren't scared. Courage is being scared to death but doing it anyway. Finding the strength within yourself to stand and face your demons. Even if your hands shake. Even if your breath fails you.
So, my sweet girl, I wish for you not a lack of hardships, but rather the courage you need to face them.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
I Can't Wait to Meet You
Your daddy thinks you have my nose. That makes him happy.We can't wait to meet you, baby girl!!
Monday, June 22, 2009
B is for Beauty
Baby girl, as a woman, you are going to be subjected to a lot of challenges regarding this whole idea of beauty. You will have to decide for yourself somewhere, someday . . . probably more like many somewheres, many somedays . . . what exactly you think beauty is. As if that isn't hard enough, everyone and everything around you will be bombarding you with their ideas of what is beautiful.
This weekend we faced your grandparents visiting, bombarding us with their ideas of beautiful--art slide shows and haunting guitar music. They want to make sure you understand their vision of beauty. They do not understand that beauty is not universal, that there are other ideas of beauty, other things that are beautiful, other people who don't agree with their perspective. I want to make sure that I protect you enough to shelter you from outside pressure and still give you enough room to grow and decide for yourself.
The thing is, no one agrees exactly. The truth is, as hackneyed as it sounds, beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.
What that means is that different things are beautiful to different people. Your perception of beauty is the result of your cumulative context--all your life experiences that, combined with your attitude, your response to them, will give you a background against which to measure all things. That challenge is knowing that and having the strength to feel secure and confident in your knowledge.
What I can do for you is tell you what my own experience with beauty has been. Maybe this will work for you. Maybe it won't. You will have to decide, when the time comes, what your own experience with beauty is.
The most beautiful thing I've ever seen was a sunset on a day I got the scariest medical news I've ever gotten. Left in the lurch, not knowing the extent of the danger, I was for the first time facing the possibility of something potentially life-threatening. I've always loved sunsets. I have actually stopped my car on the side of the road just to watch a spectacular Texas sunset fade through its various shades of brilliance, just to enjoy the beauty. But I never really felt the full extent of that beauty until something terrifying made me face the possibility of losing it all. I will never forget the beauty of that sunset that day.
Other things I've found beautiful: a wind storm one spring day shook the oak trees outside our office so forcefully that all the dry winter leaves were shaken lose and blown upward. It was like a shower of leaves, all spinning and twinkling in the sunlight, only instead of the shower falling down, it was falling up. A lone purple tree in a field of bright green (I found beauty not only in the sharp contrast of colors, but in the strength of the tree itself, the way it seemed to stand independent, confident, alone, tormented not by its isolation from other trees like it but determined rather to burst forth its purple bliss on the world in all the glory it was meant to have). Twilight. Twilight is the most beautiful time of day, a time when the entire world seems to hush for only five minutes and all is calm and peaceful and fresh. Your daddy's eyes. They are the most beautiful shade of golden brown I've ever seen, like a warmth that smiles at and comforts me, like a rich chocolate pool I could dive into and wrap around me. My pregnant stomach.
Physical beauty is an abyss of danger. Become too obsessed with it and you tend to lose perspective. I disagree with the modern idea of physical beauty, bony models with erratic hair and haunted staring looks. The most beautiful bodies, in my opinion, are muscular, toned, solid. It will be hard, and many days you will fail, unless you are a better, stronger person than I (which I hope you will be), but you must try to resist the unhealthy pressures of the world when it comes to physical beauty. Healthy is beautiful. Unique is beautiful. Innocence is beautiful.
You are beautiful.
My hope for you is that you can grow to have a healthy definition of beauty for yourself, that you live in such a way that beauty uplifts you and makes your life mystical and fulfilled, rather than burdening you and tearing you down.
I pray that you find beauty in your life, and that you can appreciate that beauty for what it is, when it is.
This weekend we faced your grandparents visiting, bombarding us with their ideas of beautiful--art slide shows and haunting guitar music. They want to make sure you understand their vision of beauty. They do not understand that beauty is not universal, that there are other ideas of beauty, other things that are beautiful, other people who don't agree with their perspective. I want to make sure that I protect you enough to shelter you from outside pressure and still give you enough room to grow and decide for yourself.
The thing is, no one agrees exactly. The truth is, as hackneyed as it sounds, beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.
What that means is that different things are beautiful to different people. Your perception of beauty is the result of your cumulative context--all your life experiences that, combined with your attitude, your response to them, will give you a background against which to measure all things. That challenge is knowing that and having the strength to feel secure and confident in your knowledge.
What I can do for you is tell you what my own experience with beauty has been. Maybe this will work for you. Maybe it won't. You will have to decide, when the time comes, what your own experience with beauty is.
The most beautiful thing I've ever seen was a sunset on a day I got the scariest medical news I've ever gotten. Left in the lurch, not knowing the extent of the danger, I was for the first time facing the possibility of something potentially life-threatening. I've always loved sunsets. I have actually stopped my car on the side of the road just to watch a spectacular Texas sunset fade through its various shades of brilliance, just to enjoy the beauty. But I never really felt the full extent of that beauty until something terrifying made me face the possibility of losing it all. I will never forget the beauty of that sunset that day.
Other things I've found beautiful: a wind storm one spring day shook the oak trees outside our office so forcefully that all the dry winter leaves were shaken lose and blown upward. It was like a shower of leaves, all spinning and twinkling in the sunlight, only instead of the shower falling down, it was falling up. A lone purple tree in a field of bright green (I found beauty not only in the sharp contrast of colors, but in the strength of the tree itself, the way it seemed to stand independent, confident, alone, tormented not by its isolation from other trees like it but determined rather to burst forth its purple bliss on the world in all the glory it was meant to have). Twilight. Twilight is the most beautiful time of day, a time when the entire world seems to hush for only five minutes and all is calm and peaceful and fresh. Your daddy's eyes. They are the most beautiful shade of golden brown I've ever seen, like a warmth that smiles at and comforts me, like a rich chocolate pool I could dive into and wrap around me. My pregnant stomach.
Physical beauty is an abyss of danger. Become too obsessed with it and you tend to lose perspective. I disagree with the modern idea of physical beauty, bony models with erratic hair and haunted staring looks. The most beautiful bodies, in my opinion, are muscular, toned, solid. It will be hard, and many days you will fail, unless you are a better, stronger person than I (which I hope you will be), but you must try to resist the unhealthy pressures of the world when it comes to physical beauty. Healthy is beautiful. Unique is beautiful. Innocence is beautiful.
You are beautiful.
My hope for you is that you can grow to have a healthy definition of beauty for yourself, that you live in such a way that beauty uplifts you and makes your life mystical and fulfilled, rather than burdening you and tearing you down.
I pray that you find beauty in your life, and that you can appreciate that beauty for what it is, when it is.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
A is for Attitude
So, I had this idea, baby girl. Since we're in the third trimester, since there's less than three months until I get to meet you, since at that point, your dad and I will be officially in charge of making sure that we raise you in such a way that you become a strong, independent, intelligent, functioning member of society rather than a lazy, whiny, entitled, co-dependent resource drain, I'd better start getting my thoughts together on how exactly it is you go about achieving the former and avoiding the latter. I want to pass along the best of the best knowledge to you. As an editor and soon-to-be-mom, it makes sense to use the alphabet as a vehicle for shaping my thoughts (which makes me think . . . the alphabet . . . literacy . . . that's one you're going to want to pay attention to, as it's a basic tenet of the "functioning member of society" branch). So, we have 13 weeks (or less!) before you're born, and there are 26 letters in the English alphabet (I'm not going to attempt the Russian version of this . . . sorry). That means I've got two letters, two pieces of advice, to give you per week! I like that. It works.
So, let's start with A.
A, baby girl, is for attitude. There are few things that will play more of a role in the direction your life takes, in the person you are--and the person others perceive you to be--than your attitude. Your attitude will affect every decision you make, every reaction you have to every event. I know it's hard to accept, but the truth is you have complete control over how you perceive and react to events in your life. That perception . . . and your resulting decision regarding how to respond, are both defined by and help to shape your attitude. What that means is, the way you see the world affects your actions . . . AND your actions affect the way you see the world.
Attitude is a hard thing to control. There will be many times in your life, countless times I'm sorry to say, where you will think that life is unfair. I wish I could tell you that life will always be fair, that you will always get what you have earned. But I can't. It won't be. You won't. Sometimes you will have busted your butt to earn something that you will never receive. Sometimes you will receive something that you did nothing to earn. That works both for better and for worse. The only thing you have constant control over is your attitude. If you can learn to approach the tides of life with a sunny outlook, with cheer, with confidence, with a sprinkle of "you wanna bet??" you will be amazed to find that the ebb and flow of fortune will fade into the background, that your life, your perception of your life, will become a constant reflection not of the events themselves, but of your attitude towards them. It's true. As fantastic as it sounds, it's true. People's lives are not defined by events, but rather by their perception of those events.
The perhaps even more amazing thing is that your perception of events in your life is directly affected by your attitude toward them. This may seem painfully obvious in theory, but in practice it is painfully difficult to implement. So many people have a habit of thinking of many trials and tribulations through the eyes of complaint. And because they complain, because they acknowledge and embrace the "whine," the "victim," those trials and tribulations grow in their minds--and in their lives--to become formidable, sour events. On the other hand, if you can learn to reject this pattern, if you can learn to think of the inevitable inconvenient happenings and necessities as simply things that you have to deal with and move on from, and give them no more credence than that, those events will fade in importance and cease to create such a woeful existence for you. The phrase "making a mountain out of a molehill" is true--you can literally build up a small bump into a giant obstacle based on your attitude alone. The key is to realize and embrace the opposite of that law--based on your attitude alone, you can shrink what at first appears to be a giant obstacle into a mere bump in the road.
So all those things in life that seem so horrible to you (and there will be things that seem horrible, I promise, from having to wake up early, to having to miss a party that all your friends get to go to, to the pain of your first betrayal, to sickness, to the deaths of loved ones), all of those things can be affected by your attitude toward them. Find a way to find perspective. Find a way to not let these tribulations darken your life.
The other part of this law is that not only does your attitude affect your actions, but your actions also affect your attitude. It is a symbiotic relationship. A habit. The more you behave as though you are angry, the more you act as though you are out of control and bitter, the more angry, out of control, and bitter you will become. Conversely, the more you behave as those you are happy, the more you act as though you are satisfied and in control of your life, the happier, more satisfied, and more in control you will become. Studies have shown that if you are in a bad mood and you hold a pencil lengthwise between your teeth, the forced "smile" on your face will actually end up improving your mood. So, if you find yourself unhappy and unable to conjure up a good attitude about something, fake it! Putting on a happy face, feigning confidence or hope in the face of adversity, will actually have the affect of making you happier, more confident, more hopeful. And this could be absolutely critical in certain moments in life, moments that threaten to present you more pain and hardships than you think you can handle.
There's one final part of attitude that I wanted to touch on before I end. There is the traditional "attitude" that I've been talking about, but there's another meaning of the word, too. It's something I was reminded of the other day in the car, with the windows down, the radio turned up, and me singing along to Blu Cantrell's "Hit 'Em Up Style." Girl, have some attitude in your life! Have some sass! Be confident. Don't allow others to treat you with less than you deserve. Stand up for yourself. Know what you're worth. Every now and then, turn up the radio and sing along to powerful chick song and embrace being a strong, intelligent, sassy woman. (You will have to learn to temper this with humility and sensitivity, but that's another talk.)
So, baby girl, I hope you know, 20 years from now, all about living life with attitude. About the power of attitude, how it can shape your life, how it can shape how others see you, how it can shape what happens to you . . . and what you do when things do happen to you.
A is for attitude. And attitude is everything.
So, let's start with A.
A, baby girl, is for attitude. There are few things that will play more of a role in the direction your life takes, in the person you are--and the person others perceive you to be--than your attitude. Your attitude will affect every decision you make, every reaction you have to every event. I know it's hard to accept, but the truth is you have complete control over how you perceive and react to events in your life. That perception . . . and your resulting decision regarding how to respond, are both defined by and help to shape your attitude. What that means is, the way you see the world affects your actions . . . AND your actions affect the way you see the world.
Attitude is a hard thing to control. There will be many times in your life, countless times I'm sorry to say, where you will think that life is unfair. I wish I could tell you that life will always be fair, that you will always get what you have earned. But I can't. It won't be. You won't. Sometimes you will have busted your butt to earn something that you will never receive. Sometimes you will receive something that you did nothing to earn. That works both for better and for worse. The only thing you have constant control over is your attitude. If you can learn to approach the tides of life with a sunny outlook, with cheer, with confidence, with a sprinkle of "you wanna bet??" you will be amazed to find that the ebb and flow of fortune will fade into the background, that your life, your perception of your life, will become a constant reflection not of the events themselves, but of your attitude towards them. It's true. As fantastic as it sounds, it's true. People's lives are not defined by events, but rather by their perception of those events.
The perhaps even more amazing thing is that your perception of events in your life is directly affected by your attitude toward them. This may seem painfully obvious in theory, but in practice it is painfully difficult to implement. So many people have a habit of thinking of many trials and tribulations through the eyes of complaint. And because they complain, because they acknowledge and embrace the "whine," the "victim," those trials and tribulations grow in their minds--and in their lives--to become formidable, sour events. On the other hand, if you can learn to reject this pattern, if you can learn to think of the inevitable inconvenient happenings and necessities as simply things that you have to deal with and move on from, and give them no more credence than that, those events will fade in importance and cease to create such a woeful existence for you. The phrase "making a mountain out of a molehill" is true--you can literally build up a small bump into a giant obstacle based on your attitude alone. The key is to realize and embrace the opposite of that law--based on your attitude alone, you can shrink what at first appears to be a giant obstacle into a mere bump in the road.
So all those things in life that seem so horrible to you (and there will be things that seem horrible, I promise, from having to wake up early, to having to miss a party that all your friends get to go to, to the pain of your first betrayal, to sickness, to the deaths of loved ones), all of those things can be affected by your attitude toward them. Find a way to find perspective. Find a way to not let these tribulations darken your life.
The other part of this law is that not only does your attitude affect your actions, but your actions also affect your attitude. It is a symbiotic relationship. A habit. The more you behave as though you are angry, the more you act as though you are out of control and bitter, the more angry, out of control, and bitter you will become. Conversely, the more you behave as those you are happy, the more you act as though you are satisfied and in control of your life, the happier, more satisfied, and more in control you will become. Studies have shown that if you are in a bad mood and you hold a pencil lengthwise between your teeth, the forced "smile" on your face will actually end up improving your mood. So, if you find yourself unhappy and unable to conjure up a good attitude about something, fake it! Putting on a happy face, feigning confidence or hope in the face of adversity, will actually have the affect of making you happier, more confident, more hopeful. And this could be absolutely critical in certain moments in life, moments that threaten to present you more pain and hardships than you think you can handle.
There's one final part of attitude that I wanted to touch on before I end. There is the traditional "attitude" that I've been talking about, but there's another meaning of the word, too. It's something I was reminded of the other day in the car, with the windows down, the radio turned up, and me singing along to Blu Cantrell's "Hit 'Em Up Style." Girl, have some attitude in your life! Have some sass! Be confident. Don't allow others to treat you with less than you deserve. Stand up for yourself. Know what you're worth. Every now and then, turn up the radio and sing along to powerful chick song and embrace being a strong, intelligent, sassy woman. (You will have to learn to temper this with humility and sensitivity, but that's another talk.)
So, baby girl, I hope you know, 20 years from now, all about living life with attitude. About the power of attitude, how it can shape your life, how it can shape how others see you, how it can shape what happens to you . . . and what you do when things do happen to you.
A is for attitude. And attitude is everything.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
3rd Tri!
Baby Girl,
Tomorrow I will be 27 weeks pregnant. Though opinions differ on when exactly you make the switch from second to third trimester, most of what I've read says it happens at 27 weeks. Wow!! We are officially 2/3rds done with this pregnancy! With every day that passes, every day that brings us closer to meeting you, your daddy and I get more and more excited!
The second trimester was nothing like the first. The first 13 weeks I was nervous about you daily. I knew there was nothing I could do to make sure that you were happy and healthy in there other than wait, wait for the next doctor's appointment, wait to make sure there were no signs anything was wrong. Then the second trimester hit, and all kinds of amazing milestones passed. We found out you were a girl, and we were able to relate to you in a new way, able to call you by name. I started looking pregnant, and I loved (and still love) my new wonderful curves and all they entail. I started feeling you, little squirmies at first, then later solid bumps, and finally, recently, actual sustained movements across my stomach when you are moving from side-to-side or changing position. I started to get a feel for your personality--how much you love fruit and cheetos, how much you love hearing your daddy's voice. The second trimester passed quickly and in a lovely blur of "everything is great!" I can only imagine how much more exciting the third trimester is going to be--getting all of our preparations finalized, going to our birthing class, knowing that we are in the final stretch to getting to finally meet you, finally hold you in our arms and kiss your sweet cheeks and hold your tiny fingers. I can't wait!
Preparations for you are in full swing. Last week we finally put down a deposit on your daycare, the home-away-from-home you will visit when I go back to work. The whole subject of daycare has been an interesting one for me. I am a firm believer in its benefits. I was a daycare baby, and I can clearly remember how much I loved going to that school, being around my friends, playing games with the teachers, learning new things. I know you will get so much attention and be introduced to so many new things that you might miss out on if I were in charge of entertaining you every day. But I also am realistic enough to know that going back to work will be harder than anything I can prepare myself for. After 3 months at home with you, I know I will miss you desperately. Luckily we picked a location that is close to my job so that I can come visit you every day during lunch.
We're making a lot of progress on your room, too! We have ordered and are just waiting on your rocking chair and changing table to be delivered, and this weekend your daddy and I built your closet system. It was so exciting to finally have a place to start putting some of the things we have already been given for you! Your daddy loves looking at the little shoes we have lined up on the shelf . . . last night he said that it was finally feeling like your room instead of just a room that we were getting ready for you. It's amazing to me to know that all those rods are going to get filled up with clothes, and those cubbies will have baskets full of socks and hats and blankets. It feels like we already have so much for you, but I know we haven't even scratched the surface!
We've also started doing a bedtime routine with you. Every night when we lay down, your daddy reads to you. We have a little microphone attached to speakers that I put on my tummy, and he reads Shel Silverstein poems to you. You love the sound of his voice! Whenever he starts reading and talking to you, you start squirming and kicking around in there. It's amazing to know just how much you two already love each other. After he reads to you, we play a little classical music for you. Sometimes it's upbeat and exciting, and you love it! You dance around and kick to the music. At the end we always play something slow and soothing for you, and it puts you and me both right to sleep. I hope this helps us find a bedtime routine for you when you're here that will help you fall asleep quickly and easily!
I'm so proud of you, proud of the work that you've been doing in there. You are definitely my little overachiever, working hard day and night to grow big and strong for us. I will continue to do everything I can to help you, to make sure that we are both healthy through this last stretch.
Love love love you,
Mom
Tomorrow I will be 27 weeks pregnant. Though opinions differ on when exactly you make the switch from second to third trimester, most of what I've read says it happens at 27 weeks. Wow!! We are officially 2/3rds done with this pregnancy! With every day that passes, every day that brings us closer to meeting you, your daddy and I get more and more excited!
The second trimester was nothing like the first. The first 13 weeks I was nervous about you daily. I knew there was nothing I could do to make sure that you were happy and healthy in there other than wait, wait for the next doctor's appointment, wait to make sure there were no signs anything was wrong. Then the second trimester hit, and all kinds of amazing milestones passed. We found out you were a girl, and we were able to relate to you in a new way, able to call you by name. I started looking pregnant, and I loved (and still love) my new wonderful curves and all they entail. I started feeling you, little squirmies at first, then later solid bumps, and finally, recently, actual sustained movements across my stomach when you are moving from side-to-side or changing position. I started to get a feel for your personality--how much you love fruit and cheetos, how much you love hearing your daddy's voice. The second trimester passed quickly and in a lovely blur of "everything is great!" I can only imagine how much more exciting the third trimester is going to be--getting all of our preparations finalized, going to our birthing class, knowing that we are in the final stretch to getting to finally meet you, finally hold you in our arms and kiss your sweet cheeks and hold your tiny fingers. I can't wait!
Preparations for you are in full swing. Last week we finally put down a deposit on your daycare, the home-away-from-home you will visit when I go back to work. The whole subject of daycare has been an interesting one for me. I am a firm believer in its benefits. I was a daycare baby, and I can clearly remember how much I loved going to that school, being around my friends, playing games with the teachers, learning new things. I know you will get so much attention and be introduced to so many new things that you might miss out on if I were in charge of entertaining you every day. But I also am realistic enough to know that going back to work will be harder than anything I can prepare myself for. After 3 months at home with you, I know I will miss you desperately. Luckily we picked a location that is close to my job so that I can come visit you every day during lunch.
We're making a lot of progress on your room, too! We have ordered and are just waiting on your rocking chair and changing table to be delivered, and this weekend your daddy and I built your closet system. It was so exciting to finally have a place to start putting some of the things we have already been given for you! Your daddy loves looking at the little shoes we have lined up on the shelf . . . last night he said that it was finally feeling like your room instead of just a room that we were getting ready for you. It's amazing to me to know that all those rods are going to get filled up with clothes, and those cubbies will have baskets full of socks and hats and blankets. It feels like we already have so much for you, but I know we haven't even scratched the surface!
We've also started doing a bedtime routine with you. Every night when we lay down, your daddy reads to you. We have a little microphone attached to speakers that I put on my tummy, and he reads Shel Silverstein poems to you. You love the sound of his voice! Whenever he starts reading and talking to you, you start squirming and kicking around in there. It's amazing to know just how much you two already love each other. After he reads to you, we play a little classical music for you. Sometimes it's upbeat and exciting, and you love it! You dance around and kick to the music. At the end we always play something slow and soothing for you, and it puts you and me both right to sleep. I hope this helps us find a bedtime routine for you when you're here that will help you fall asleep quickly and easily!I'm so proud of you, proud of the work that you've been doing in there. You are definitely my little overachiever, working hard day and night to grow big and strong for us. I will continue to do everything I can to help you, to make sure that we are both healthy through this last stretch.
Love love love you,
Mom
Monday, June 8, 2009
Points for TH
It's emails like these that make me LOVE my husband.
There was a post on the 2nd tri board about the stupidest thing you have cried over. Now, as I mentioned previously, I feel like I've been in a weepy stage the last week or so. But these girls have me beat, hands down . . . crying because there was no lettuce on her Wendy's sandwich for example. So, I emailed the post to TH with the subject line, "See, I'm not crazy . . . "
His response, with my inner commentary marked in red (*note: some nestie names have been changed to protect the innocent):
Wow! You're nowhere near those crazy girls. In fact, I have to complement the almost total lack of unprovoked crying on your part. The whole wasp family thing was totally my fault though, sorry. Yuck to communal wasp orgy houses =p. Points for reference back to funny weekend event that makes me smile again.
Btw, did you see how big *Nestie1* l looked in her 24 week picture? *Nestie2* and *Nestie3* look about the same as you, so I hope you realize you're not huge, but beautifully and radiantly perfect. Points for being snarky and gossipy and complimentary all at once!
I love you,
S.
P.S. I'm sorry for being a comprehensive and unmitigated ass yesterday. I won't do it again for as long as possible. Points for quoting great part of favorite movie Pride and Prejudice.
And yes, his email made me tear up. A little. 'Cause he's funny and always manages to say the exact right thing to make me smile. So maybe the stupidest thing I've cried about is a funny, snarky, gossipy, sweet email from my husband.
But I won't be telling him that. ;-P
There was a post on the 2nd tri board about the stupidest thing you have cried over. Now, as I mentioned previously, I feel like I've been in a weepy stage the last week or so. But these girls have me beat, hands down . . . crying because there was no lettuce on her Wendy's sandwich for example. So, I emailed the post to TH with the subject line, "See, I'm not crazy . . . "
His response, with my inner commentary marked in red (*note: some nestie names have been changed to protect the innocent):
Wow! You're nowhere near those crazy girls. In fact, I have to complement the almost total lack of unprovoked crying on your part. The whole wasp family thing was totally my fault though, sorry. Yuck to communal wasp orgy houses =p. Points for reference back to funny weekend event that makes me smile again.
Btw, did you see how big *Nestie1* l looked in her 24 week picture? *Nestie2* and *Nestie3* look about the same as you, so I hope you realize you're not huge, but beautifully and radiantly perfect. Points for being snarky and gossipy and complimentary all at once!
I love you,
S.
P.S. I'm sorry for being a comprehensive and unmitigated ass yesterday. I won't do it again for as long as possible. Points for quoting great part of favorite movie Pride and Prejudice.
And yes, his email made me tear up. A little. 'Cause he's funny and always manages to say the exact right thing to make me smile. So maybe the stupidest thing I've cried about is a funny, snarky, gossipy, sweet email from my husband.
But I won't be telling him that. ;-P
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Double Digits!
Wow. Just wow. Only 99 days to go.
:::sings:::
99 bottles of milk in the fridge, 99 bottles of milk . . .
I am so excited that there are only 99 days left! Everyone keeps talking about how fast time flies when you're pregnant. I can honestly say that time is moving at exactly the right pace for me. In the beginning, it draaaggggggedd by. Each day was an excruciating wait. A wait for each appointment, each reassurance. Now, feeling reassured, feeling her move, feeling like we can finally relax and focus on getting ready, now time is moving at exactly the right pace. I'm glad we still have a good chunk of time left in which to get ready. And I'm glad it's only 99 days!
We've started registering, and can I just say that it is a LOT harder than I thought it would be. How do you pick??? How do you pick between the 30 "First Aid and Infant Care Kits"?? How do you pick between the 57 play mats or the 23 bouncy seats? While it's fun to browse the stores and web sites, picking out the perfect gear for our little one, it's overwhelming too. Especially because there are so many choices. And because everyone has a different opinion about which product or brand is best and why. The comfort that I find is that, in the end, I know it will all be fine. Whatever we pick, whatever we get, is a blessing, and I know Ali will love getting spoiled with all her cool gear.
As the nurse warned us at our last appointment, I think baby girl is going through another growth spurt. I've been having more round ligament pain this last week, and have hit my second (and hopefully last??) weepy stage. Poor TH. He never knows if what he says/does is going to have no effect, make me irrationally mad, or start the tears. Thank God he has so much practice being patient with his family and has been able to handle this stage fairly gracefully.
We've started playing music for Ali every night when I lay down to go to sleep. She totally loves the music . . . at least, I think that's why she dances and prances whenever we lay TH's iTouch on my belly. The other night a more energetic Mozart piece was on, and she was kicking like crazy right where the iTouch was positioned, making the little device bump around on my skin. Then we followed it with a soothing Pachabel's Cannon, and she settled down and didn't move again. So, she either loves it and dances when the music moves her, or she hates it and was trying to make it stop. Fingers crossed it's the former rather than the latter of those options!
We've got our closet organizational system purchased (and I'm off to put it together now!), most of my showers scheduled, and our birthing class registered for.
What exciting times!!
:::sings:::
99 bottles of milk in the fridge, 99 bottles of milk . . .
I am so excited that there are only 99 days left! Everyone keeps talking about how fast time flies when you're pregnant. I can honestly say that time is moving at exactly the right pace for me. In the beginning, it draaaggggggedd by. Each day was an excruciating wait. A wait for each appointment, each reassurance. Now, feeling reassured, feeling her move, feeling like we can finally relax and focus on getting ready, now time is moving at exactly the right pace. I'm glad we still have a good chunk of time left in which to get ready. And I'm glad it's only 99 days!
We've started registering, and can I just say that it is a LOT harder than I thought it would be. How do you pick??? How do you pick between the 30 "First Aid and Infant Care Kits"?? How do you pick between the 57 play mats or the 23 bouncy seats? While it's fun to browse the stores and web sites, picking out the perfect gear for our little one, it's overwhelming too. Especially because there are so many choices. And because everyone has a different opinion about which product or brand is best and why. The comfort that I find is that, in the end, I know it will all be fine. Whatever we pick, whatever we get, is a blessing, and I know Ali will love getting spoiled with all her cool gear.
As the nurse warned us at our last appointment, I think baby girl is going through another growth spurt. I've been having more round ligament pain this last week, and have hit my second (and hopefully last??) weepy stage. Poor TH. He never knows if what he says/does is going to have no effect, make me irrationally mad, or start the tears. Thank God he has so much practice being patient with his family and has been able to handle this stage fairly gracefully.
We've started playing music for Ali every night when I lay down to go to sleep. She totally loves the music . . . at least, I think that's why she dances and prances whenever we lay TH's iTouch on my belly. The other night a more energetic Mozart piece was on, and she was kicking like crazy right where the iTouch was positioned, making the little device bump around on my skin. Then we followed it with a soothing Pachabel's Cannon, and she settled down and didn't move again. So, she either loves it and dances when the music moves her, or she hates it and was trying to make it stop. Fingers crossed it's the former rather than the latter of those options!
We've got our closet organizational system purchased (and I'm off to put it together now!), most of my showers scheduled, and our birthing class registered for.
What exciting times!!
Monday, June 1, 2009
Momma's Got a Brand New Ride
We got a BIG get-ready-for-baby task checked off this list this weekend.
:::pauses for squeals of excitement, mostly from me . . . seriously . . . still squealing . . . three days later:::
I GOT MY MOM-MOBILE!!!
I am soooooo excited! I think I was in shock when we drove it home from the dealer (we left the house that morning totally NOT thinking about buying a car). When TH asked if I really felt like it were "mine," I was all nonchalant, like "hmm, yeah, pretty much."
But then Sunday morning it was STILL THERE, still parked in our garage. I started to realize then that I got to KEEP this car!
Driving to work this morning, I had the biggest, goofiest smile on my face as I surveyed my new surroundings during the daily commute. IT'S STILL HERE! I'm still driving it! It really IS mine!
AHHHHHHH!!!!
After 8+ years in a tiny coupe, I feel so . . . luxurious! And comfy! And safe! Bring it on, giant Texas trucks. I'm not going to be blinded by your headlights anymore!
It's gorgeous on the inside, too. Two-toned tan leather interior.
Seriously. I'm just so tickled with it. I feel like squirming around with glee just like Ali does in my tummy when I eat bananas.
I got this email from my sister when I sent her the pictures. It made me cry. Not that that is a difficult thing to accomplish these days (I swear I'm in weepy stage #2). It's just so touching to hear her excitement for us, to know that we aren't the only ones who feel like we are just so absolutely blessed in our lives.
OH MY GOSH! I absolutely LOVE IT! I am SO happy for you. I mean I wouldn't mind if you ever wanted to trade for like a weekend ;) haha Ali will be the coolest girl at soccer practice! (Or cheerleading ;) ) I am just so happy for you. You are right where you wanted to be and could be happier; I mean you are preggers with a beautiful little girl, just got your *dream* car and are married to your high school sweetheart and with a new house. You are a stinkin' bad ass. I really am so proud of you and thank you for giving me so much to look up to. Keep it up sister!!!
(Ali, I can't wait for you to meet your Aunt K. She is the most wonderful, energetic, work-hard-play-harder person you will ever know. I just know you two are going to be thick as thieves!)
I feel like we are finally gaining some momentum with our to-do-list. Next on the list--finish registering, caulk/paint the chair rails, figure out closet organization, and order final piece of nursery furniture!
25 weeks pregnant. Only 15 (ish) more weeks to go!
:::pauses for squeals of excitement, mostly from me . . . seriously . . . still squealing . . . three days later:::I GOT MY MOM-MOBILE!!!
I am soooooo excited! I think I was in shock when we drove it home from the dealer (we left the house that morning totally NOT thinking about buying a car). When TH asked if I really felt like it were "mine," I was all nonchalant, like "hmm, yeah, pretty much."
But then Sunday morning it was STILL THERE, still parked in our garage. I started to realize then that I got to KEEP this car!
Driving to work this morning, I had the biggest, goofiest smile on my face as I surveyed my new surroundings during the daily commute. IT'S STILL HERE! I'm still driving it! It really IS mine!
AHHHHHHH!!!!
After 8+ years in a tiny coupe, I feel so . . . luxurious! And comfy! And safe! Bring it on, giant Texas trucks. I'm not going to be blinded by your headlights anymore!
It's gorgeous on the inside, too. Two-toned tan leather interior.
Seriously. I'm just so tickled with it. I feel like squirming around with glee just like Ali does in my tummy when I eat bananas.I got this email from my sister when I sent her the pictures. It made me cry. Not that that is a difficult thing to accomplish these days (I swear I'm in weepy stage #2). It's just so touching to hear her excitement for us, to know that we aren't the only ones who feel like we are just so absolutely blessed in our lives.
OH MY GOSH! I absolutely LOVE IT! I am SO happy for you. I mean I wouldn't mind if you ever wanted to trade for like a weekend ;) haha Ali will be the coolest girl at soccer practice! (Or cheerleading ;) ) I am just so happy for you. You are right where you wanted to be and could be happier; I mean you are preggers with a beautiful little girl, just got your *dream* car and are married to your high school sweetheart and with a new house. You are a stinkin' bad ass. I really am so proud of you and thank you for giving me so much to look up to. Keep it up sister!!!
(Ali, I can't wait for you to meet your Aunt K. She is the most wonderful, energetic, work-hard-play-harder person you will ever know. I just know you two are going to be thick as thieves!)
I feel like we are finally gaining some momentum with our to-do-list. Next on the list--finish registering, caulk/paint the chair rails, figure out closet organization, and order final piece of nursery furniture!
25 weeks pregnant. Only 15 (ish) more weeks to go!
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