A is for Attitude

So, I had this idea, baby girl. Since we're in the third trimester, since there's less than three months until I get to meet you, since at that point, your dad and I will be officially in charge of making sure that we raise you in such a way that you become a strong, independent, intelligent, functioning member of society rather than a lazy, whiny, entitled, co-dependent resource drain, I'd better start getting my thoughts together on how exactly it is you go about achieving the former and avoiding the latter. I want to pass along the best of the best knowledge to you. As an editor and soon-to-be-mom, it makes sense to use the alphabet as a vehicle for shaping my thoughts (which makes me think . . . the alphabet . . . literacy . . . that's one you're going to want to pay attention to, as it's a basic tenet of the "functioning member of society" branch). So, we have 13 weeks (or less!) before you're born, and there are 26 letters in the English alphabet (I'm not going to attempt the Russian version of this . . . sorry). That means I've got two letters, two pieces of advice, to give you per week! I like that. It works.

So, let's start with A.

A, baby girl, is for attitude. There are few things that will play more of a role in the direction your life takes, in the person you are--and the person others perceive you to be--than your attitude. Your attitude will affect every decision you make, every reaction you have to every event. I know it's hard to accept, but the truth is you have complete control over how you perceive and react to events in your life. That perception . . . and your resulting decision regarding how to respond, are both defined by and help to shape your attitude. What that means is, the way you see the world affects your actions . . . AND your actions affect the way you see the world.

Attitude is a hard thing to control. There will be many times in your life, countless times I'm sorry to say, where you will think that life is unfair. I wish I could tell you that life will always be fair, that you will always get what you have earned. But I can't. It won't be. You won't. Sometimes you will have busted your butt to earn something that you will never receive. Sometimes you will receive something that you did nothing to earn. That works both for better and for worse. The only thing you have constant control over is your attitude. If you can learn to approach the tides of life with a sunny outlook, with cheer, with confidence, with a sprinkle of "you wanna bet??" you will be amazed to find that the ebb and flow of fortune will fade into the background, that your life, your perception of your life, will become a constant reflection not of the events themselves, but of your attitude towards them. It's true. As fantastic as it sounds, it's true. People's lives are not defined by events, but rather by their perception of those events.

The perhaps even more amazing thing is that your perception of events in your life is directly affected by your attitude toward them. This may seem painfully obvious in theory, but in practice it is painfully difficult to implement. So many people have a habit of thinking of many trials and tribulations through the eyes of complaint. And because they complain, because they acknowledge and embrace the "whine," the "victim," those trials and tribulations grow in their minds--and in their lives--to become formidable, sour events. On the other hand, if you can learn to reject this pattern, if you can learn to think of the inevitable inconvenient happenings and necessities as simply things that you have to deal with and move on from, and give them no more credence than that, those events will fade in importance and cease to create such a woeful existence for you. The phrase "making a mountain out of a molehill" is true--you can literally build up a small bump into a giant obstacle based on your attitude alone. The key is to realize and embrace the opposite of that law--based on your attitude alone, you can shrink what at first appears to be a giant obstacle into a mere bump in the road.

So all those things in life that seem so horrible to you (and there will be things that seem horrible, I promise, from having to wake up early, to having to miss a party that all your friends get to go to, to the pain of your first betrayal, to sickness, to the deaths of loved ones), all of those things can be affected by your attitude toward them. Find a way to find perspective. Find a way to not let these tribulations darken your life.

The other part of this law is that not only does your attitude affect your actions, but your actions also affect your attitude. It is a symbiotic relationship. A habit. The more you behave as though you are angry, the more you act as though you are out of control and bitter, the more angry, out of control, and bitter you will become. Conversely, the more you behave as those you are happy, the more you act as though you are satisfied and in control of your life, the happier, more satisfied, and more in control you will become. Studies have shown that if you are in a bad mood and you hold a pencil lengthwise between your teeth, the forced "smile" on your face will actually end up improving your mood. So, if you find yourself unhappy and unable to conjure up a good attitude about something, fake it! Putting on a happy face, feigning confidence or hope in the face of adversity, will actually have the affect of making you happier, more confident, more hopeful. And this could be absolutely critical in certain moments in life, moments that threaten to present you more pain and hardships than you think you can handle.

There's one final part of attitude that I wanted to touch on before I end. There is the traditional "attitude" that I've been talking about, but there's another meaning of the word, too. It's something I was reminded of the other day in the car, with the windows down, the radio turned up, and me singing along to Blu Cantrell's "Hit 'Em Up Style." Girl, have some attitude in your life! Have some sass! Be confident. Don't allow others to treat you with less than you deserve. Stand up for yourself. Know what you're worth. Every now and then, turn up the radio and sing along to powerful chick song and embrace being a strong, intelligent, sassy woman. (You will have to learn to temper this with humility and sensitivity, but that's another talk.)

So, baby girl, I hope you know, 20 years from now, all about living life with attitude. About the power of attitude, how it can shape your life, how it can shape how others see you, how it can shape what happens to you . . . and what you do when things do happen to you.

A is for attitude. And attitude is everything.