Smile

Yesterday, baby girl was sad about something about bedtime. I can't even remember what it was--the things that make a 2-going-on-3-yr-old sad are so quick to come and go that the best thing I've figured out to do is honor her sadness while it lasts and move on. So, last night, maybe she remembered that we hadn't gotten to play hide-and-seek that day as we'd planned. Maybe she realized that her sunglasses had been left in the car. Maybe the itching mosquito bite on her leg was making her sad. No matter. She said, "Mommy, I'm saaad!" and I said, "You are? I'm so sorry!" and gave her a big hug. As I was hugging her, she breathed, "I wonder if I'm ever going to smile again."

I don't think I was altogether successful at stifling my laugh. My girl, my baby, my 2-yr-old, wondering if she's ever going to smile again. I pushed aside the thought that holyhell, we are IN for it when she's a teen, quickly hid my smile, and turned to her, stroking her hair out of her face.

"You will smile again," I told her as I drew her onto my lap, wrapping her in my arms. "I know you feel sad right now, and that's okay. But pretty soon, you'll find something to be happy about again. And you'll smile, and laugh, and whatever it is that's bothering you right now won't bother you so much anymore. And until that happens, you can stay right here with me and I'll make you feel better."

"Okay," she said and let her head rest of my chest.

And I wanted to tell her more. I wanted to tell her that there will be so many moments in her life where she'll feel sad, where she might feel like her heart is breaking, where she might wonder if she'll ever smile again. That life is hard and not always fair, and that as much as I wish I could protect her from ever being hurt, or sad, or scared, I couldn't always do that. And that that feeling, that feeling of sadness, or pain, or fear, that feeling hurts and that it will feel like it's suffocating her, or drowning her, or pulling her down, so heavy that she might believe she couldn't possibly move beyond it. But that she can. She can move beyond it and she will move beyond it, and no matter the hurt, no matter the sadness, she will always smile again.

Its' amazing to me how early life's lessons begin. Her sadness at 2 is no less significant to her than her sadness will be at 15, or than my sadness is to me as an adult. And to that sweet 2-yr-old, and to her future beautiful 15-yr-old self, and to myself, and to my mother and my sister and my grandmother and my friends, and to all women and men everywhere, remember: You will always smile again.