Enjoying It While It Lasts

So today I am officially 3 DPO. We had perfect timing this month. My temps are looking beautiful. And I'm not obsessing.

Wait, what? NOT obsessing?? What gives?

I finally decided it was too hard. Too hard to think about it constantly. Too hard to be jealous of others all the time. Too hard to feel bad. Too hard to be constantly stressed about it. Just too hard. It took a lot of energy to do all those things. I was exhausted all the time...not just physically, but mind-tired.

I posted last week about my neutrality this cycle. I attributed it to fear, but I can honestly say I'm not scared right now, after the two positive OPKs, after my beautiful temp spike. I'm not scared about getting another BFN. I just am not thinking about it. Maybe it will happen. Maybe it won't. Honestly at this point I'm expecting the "won't." If we did everything the same this round, isn't the definition of insanity doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome? But that's not to say I'm pessimistic, either. I'm just...neutral.

It's still hard to hear that someone got pregnant by accident. Or to have all conversation around me centered on pregnancies. But it doesn't make me upset like it did last month. Maybe this is just a defense mechanism. It seems to be cyclical--I was super excited (and let down) the first month, much less so the second month, super excited (and let down) the third month, much less so this month. But, whatever the reason, it's a welcome break, this normalcy. I didn't even double check my chart today after entering my temp. Ok, maybe I did once. But not the usual three or four (or five ::insert ashamed face::) times.

So, I'll enjoy it while it lasts. Maybe (probably...most likely...of course) at the end of next week, when it's go time, time to test, time to find out again yay or nay, maybe then I'll obsess. But right now, the calmness of it all is so nice.

But, given my lack of thoughts on the subject, there's not really much to offer you here, on this blog. So I thought I'd leave you with an oldie but a goodie:

Several months ago, there was a post on the boards about the things you say (before you're a parent) that you'll never do as a parent. It had a ton of really interesting responses, so I brought it up in conversation with TH.

I asked him "What is one thing you will never do as a parent?" I was expecting something deep and meaningful, about trust, or responsibility, or respect.

His response?

"I will never tell my kids they are ugly or stupid."

*cough, cough* Gee, honey, I'm so glad we got that settled before we have kids!