J is for Joy

If I could give you just one piece of advice, baby girl, it would be to find your joy. Yes, there are tons of other very, very important aspects to life, things like what I've talked about in this ABC list, things that I've completely forgotten to mention, things that I might not even know about, but believe me when I say that finding your joy tops them all.

And really, all of those other aspects, all those other things I've either talked about or have failed to mention, all of them can in some way be tied back to your joy. Being a good person, acting in such a way that you accomplish your goals, appreciating beauty for what it is . . . all of these things ultimately bring you happiness.

Life is too short to spend it unhappy.

I want you to notice that I am using happiness--not pleasure--as a synonym of joy. In The Art of Happiness, the Dalai Lama distinguishes between these two often confused feelings. Pleasure is temporary; happiness is long lasting. Things that bring you immediate pleasure may or may not contribute to your long-term happiness. This is where addicts get into trouble: they equate the momentary pleasure of their fix with true happiness, and in fact find themselves more and more miserable as time goes on. Lying to get out of a punishment might increase your temporary pleasure (by feeling like you got away with something), but remember, any action that does not lead you to be the person you want to be can never result in true, long-term happiness. Eating a third helping of chocolate cake can (and probably will!) increase your temporary pleasure, but the resulting stomach ache--or weight/waist gain--will not give you long-term happiness. So finding your joy in life is not about pursuing temporary pleasures, not about immediate gratification. Finding your joy in life is about knowing what makes you truly happy, what makes you feel realized, what makes your soul sing . . . and going after it.

As you grow and learn about yourself, about what your happiness, your joy, actually is, you'll discover that it is wholly unique to you. Everyone has a different joy. It is imperative that you remember that another person's joy does NOT have to be your joy, no matter what they tell you. This goes for your friends as well as your family (including me, darling baby, and your father). Your grandparents and I have very different ideas about what brings us joy. They cannot imagine a more fulfilling, enriching experience than music and art; these pursuits bring them their joy. Your father and I never found that same joy in these pursuits; I have always found joy in sports, in achievement and teamwork and success, and your father and I together have always found joy in traveling, in seeing new, incredible, exotic sights and learning about other people and other cultures. My goal as your mother is to introduce as many possible joys to you as I can and to let you decide for yourself which of them is YOUR joy, which of them brings YOU your ultimate happiness.

Never let someone tell you that your joy is wrong.

Never let someone tell you that your joy isn't good enough.

When you find your joy, when you discover what it is that makes your soul sing, pursue it relentlessly. But here's the key: never let it lose it's meaning to you. Don't allow your joy to become a chore.

When I first went to college, I took a softball scholarship to a small college about 3 hours away from your father. At the time, softball was my joy. But when I got to that college, softball became my job. I was no longer playing because it brought me happiness. It was no longer simply the game of my youth, played on fields in warm Texas summer twilights. It became scientific. It became a battle. It became a stress. I transferred to your father's college after one semester and didn't play another game for nearly 10 years. I knew I wanted to keep that joy, didn't want for it to become something I hated, something I resented. So I gave it up until the point I could get back to playing it for the pure pleasure of the game, for the fun times spent with friends, for the thrill of the close play at home plate.

Similarly, never allow yourself to take your joy for granted. It's easy to stop paying as much attention to something that becomes routine in your life. When something is new and shiny and exciting, you'll find no trouble in spinning yourself in that joy, arms outstretched, beautiful smile on your face. But when that thing is a part of your daily life, it's easy to forget what a blessing it is. So try, baby girl, as hard as you can, to stop every day and remember the wonder of having that joy in your life. Remember to be grateful. Remember to appreciate the awesome blessings that you have. Remember to spin in the sunlight with your arms outstretched, to dance in the joy you have found.

This, I think, is the meaning of life.

Finding joy.

Being joyful.

Life is too short, and too precious, for anything else.