The number 3

Apparently, 3 is a watershed number for me.

• TH was my third boyfriend.

• I taught for three years before getting bored and going back to grad. school.

• I have three siblings and three parents.

• I train for a sport that is actually three sports in one race.

• I want three kids.

• I am on my third cycle of TTC.

• It takes three BFPs in one day to make me completely lose my grip on sanity.

That last one I'm certain of, because it's happened. Twice. Six weeks ago, it signaled the beginning of our local baby boom on the boards. The first two? No problem. The last four? Piece of cake. It was the third announcement on that Monday that felt like a kick in the gut. Yesterday it happened again--another three girls announcing their joyful news. With the third, I felt like someone was pressing down on my chest and I couldn't get a good, deep breath. I felt like I needed to get out of my office, out of my building, out into the sunshine and cool breeze where I could let all the crazy roll of me and find my calm again.

To be clear, this isn't the green-eyed jealousy I struggled with a few weeks ago. I don't feel any negative anything toward the girls who are got pregnant. They all three deserved it so much and have been through a lot to get it. I am thrilled for them. I just want to be thrilled for us, too. And I know that our turn is coming, and 97% of the time that's all I need to know in order to maintain my happy, calm, patient outlook toward this adventure.

It's that other 3% of the time that gets me. The third announcement in a single day that, for whatever reason, makes me feel like a panicky colt in a barn on fire.

So I'm learning to cope with the effects of 3. I didn't go to the boards anymore yesterday. I didn't read baby blogs or funny parenting blogs or even TTC blogs. I turned on some music, focused on my work, and blocked everything out. I cooked dinner with my kitties for company, cleaned the house, enjoyed the gorgeous evening weather, read a book, watched a little TV, and took a bath. Basically, I enjoyed a totally baby-free evening. And somewhere in there I found my calm again. My happiness. My patience.

Calmness. Happiness. Patience.

This message brought to you by the number 3.