I admit: we celebrated Mother's Day this year. I know that different people have different opinions about when you actually qualify as a "mother." For some people, being a mother requires the existence of an "outside baby." My boss, for example, kept wishing me a happy "Almost Mother's Day."
TH and I talked about it, trying to define, for us, when we feel a person becomes a parent, a mother or a father. Simply the existence of an "outside baby" doesn't really do it for us. Sure there are a million things that mothers of babies and small children must do on a daily basis to care for their child that I don't have to do yet. But how does someone who just gave birth the day before Mother's Day figure into that? They haven't had to do those things either. But I don't think anyone would tell you they aren't a mother yet. And you can't say that "giving birth" is the defining moment...what about those who adopt? And what about the fact that TH
is Alina's daddy? When he leans over and sings to her, or whispers to her that he loves her, that is a father talking to his daughter. She is here. She exists. Because of him. Because of me. Because we made her.
So what we settled on is this: we think a mother (or father) is created through the love she feels for her child, the constant worry she feels for his or her safety and health, and the actions she takes to make his or her life as good as it can be. This definition is broad enough to include all different kinds of mothers--those with "outside babies," those who are still pregnant, those who adopt, even those who simply play a mother's roll in the lives of those who need them. All of these women are mothers.
Yes, my Mother's Day next year will be incredibly different than the one this year. Next year I will be able to cuddle my sweet, chubby little baby, get to see her laugh, get to think about all the ways that she has changed my life, all the ways she has enriched it. But that same thing can be said of the next Mother's Day...how different it will be from the first. And of the first Mother's Day that I have two babies. And the first Mother's Day when one of my sweet little babies is out of the house on their own. And so on and so forth. All the Mother's Days from here on out will be different from the last.
And for each of them, starting this year, I am/will be a mother.
We celebrated with our mothers at home. It was a whirlwind trip--drove up on Saturday morning, drove back on Sunday afternoon. It was amusing to me how much extra gear we had to take along just for me--my body pillow, an airbed so that I had a chance of actual sleep (the in-laws have the world's hardest futon in their guest room...seriously, it's like sleeping on a desk), etc. I guess that is just training for the production it will be to actually travel with a baby!
We had Mother's Day lunch at my parents house, with a guest list that included my sister, my brother, my sister-in-law, my niece, my brother-in-law, my cousin, my grandmother, TH's parents, and TH's grandparents! It was a big, loud, fun, wonderful crowd. I got lots of "Holy cow you got big!" and "Are you having twins?" comments, which I definitely could have lived without. But my dad got all teary every time he looked at me and told me constantly how beautiful I was, and my grandmother kept telling me that I had the "glow," so that helped even things out.
Here I am on my first Mother's Day.
Ali, I can't even tell you how excited everyone is about you! You were the belle of the ball, and you aren't even here yet. Thank you for every little wiggle you gave me yesterday, every beat of your heart--they were your gifts to me on Mother's Day, and I couldn't imagine anything better.
