Holy crap that felt good!

You know that feeling you get, when you feel like pressure has been building building building behind something, growing steadily beyond any point of pre-assumed capacity, until it feels like you might explode or drown under the weight? And then that feeling when finally, FINALLY! there is some release, and all the weight and pressure that's been building is suddenly, blissfully gone and you feel, for the first time in you-can't-remember-how-long something you dazedly recognize as sweet relief?

Yeah, kind of like an orgasm. But let's not go there, dirty kids.

I'm pregnant. PREGNANT!!! I can shout it from the rooftops. Finally! Carrying that around as a secret felt wrong. It felt like it was something I should hide, something I shouldn't be sharing with people, and that is so discordant with how it should feel. And then yesterday, finally we had our first appointment, I saw the beautiful fluttering heartbeat, I felt my heart fall in love in a split second all over again, and I realized I could finally relax, could finally breathe, could finally share the news that deserved to be shared and celebrated.

And I can finally get back to blogging about it. Until now, I've only been able to write posts and save them as drafts. It was like a self-imposed writer's block that only contributed to that feeling of building pressure, of something in the way. So you'll see a bunch of back-logged posts. About finding out, about telling our families, about how different this second time around is than the first was. You'll be able to see the road we've walked this last month, the varying emotions we've had. I'm not embarrassed to publish those posts, even though I'm in such a different place today than I was even 4 short weeks ago. Today, the pressure is gone. Today I feel nothing but relief and joy and optimism and hope for our future. So when you go back and read, realize that you are witnessing the beginning of a journey, and as with all journeys, things change and grow and evolve.

A tiny little heart beats inside me. A tiny little life is nestled into my body. Already I love it. Already I adore it. Already I can't wait to see the joy it brings to our family.

Hooray for sweet release. Hooray for sweet relief.

Hooray for celebration!