5 Things You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Woman

During the first 20 first half of my pregnancy, here are the five things I wish I hadn't heard.

5. Oh, You wanted that??
This was from TH, in reference to an iced lemon bundt cake I had brought home from a get-together with friends. I was still in the first trimester, still at that point where not a whole lot ever sounded good to me, and when I did find the ONE thing that sounded good to eat, it was the most delicious thing in the world. That day, it was iced lemon bundt cake. I brought home the leftovers (seriously, like half the freaking cake) from the party and put them in the fridge, too tired to partake in them that night but excited to have the lemony sweetness to look forward to the next day. TH has a distinctive nighttime sweet tooth, but it is typically focused on chocolate. The poor bundt cake...and I...never saw it coming. The next day there was nary a crumb to be found, and when I asked TH about it, that's when I got the dreaded, "Oh, you wanted that??" I kid you not, I actually teared up a bit. He has learned to ask what food I have my eye on now or, if in doubt, to leave some.

4. I forgot my wallet.
Another first trimester TH gem. I was starving, STARVING, and the one thing that I had finally figured out that sounded good was potato soup from Jason's Deli. I rode the entire 15-minute drive in silence, concentrating on not letting my hunger pains turn into nausea. We pulled into the parking lot, and I vaulted out of the car...only to hear this haunting phrase behind me. In my single-minded focus on getting food, I of course hadn't brought my purse along. TH looked absolutely crestfallen, but it was nothing compared to my realization that not only was I not going to get my soup right then, but there was no way in hell I would make it another 30 minutes for the wallet-retrieving round trip. We went home. I think I had some grits. I don't remember. All I remember is that dream-crushing sentence.

3. Pretty much everything she said.
No need to reopen that can of worms.

2. What's with the attitude?
Early, early in the first tri, when both TH and I were still adjusting to all the new, wonderful hormonal changes that come with pregnancy, he uttered this little gem to me on the phone. Suffice it to say that conversation did not go well after that, and he learned to never ask a pregnant woman, "What's with the attitude?"

And the #1 thing you should never say to a pregnant woman...

1. Hey there, fatty!
This one came from my grandmother! We were visiting her in the hospital. I walked in and said, "Hey there, gorgeous!" and she responded with this delightful quip. At this point I was just starting to really show, around 17 weeks. Luckily TH has been telling me all day every day how great I look, and his enthusiasm and glee has only increased with my expanding belly, so my self-esteem and confidence in looking pregnant was just fine. But still. Really? This is the same grandmother who made oinking noises and pushed her nose up every time my then-32-week pregnant cousin ate anything at her baby shower. Yeah. You can't make this stuff up.

So there you have it! If those are the five worst things I've heard, I've had pretty smooth sailing. I am looking forward to the wonderful things I'll hear in the next 20 weeks!