Inside Out

Baby girl was an inside baby for 267 days.

Thanks to the awesomeness that is charting, I know, to the day(ish), exactly when her little soul was born. From December 22, 2008 to September 15, 2009, she grew inside me. She relied on me. I fed her and sheltered her and gave her everything she needed to grow. She went from a single tiny little cell to a fully-developed baby, 8 pounds and 1 ounce and 20.75 inches of perfection. From a tiny little cell to hair and fingernails and soft baby skin.

For 267 days I felt her kicks. I stared in wonder at my moving stomach. I sang to her and poked her and danced to hip-hop music in the hopes of giving her some rhythm. I held her, as I held my stomach, and dreamed of stroking her little cheeks, of holding her to my shoulder and smelling her baby smell.

And today, baby girl has been an outside baby for 267 days.

From September 15, 2009 to June 9, 2010, she has grown outside me. Exactly half her life. She has still relied on me for nearly everything. I've fed her milk my body has produced, but she is now eating "real" food, too. Meats and fruits and veggies, things that were grown elsewhere, not here in her mother's body. And her father has been there to shelter her, too. She has slept in his arms as well as mine. She has gone to school and developed relationships with other people. She has learned to crawl and clap and point and turn the pages of a book. She is learning how to express frustration and has developed preferences, favorites. She is becoming her own little person.

For the first half of her life, she and I never spent a single second apart. For the second half of her life, we are learning to exist apart more and more.

As of tomorrow, she will officially have been outside, separate from me, for longer than she was inside, connected. And every day that follows she will grow more independent, developing her own unique life and personality separate from mine. And of course that's a good thing. That's what every parent wants for their child--to see them grow and develop and come into their own.

But I hope she knows, I hope she always remembers, that no matter how old she gets, no matter how far she goes, no matter how separate we feel, she can always rely on me to support her and help her grow.

Today. Ali's Inside Out day. Today, I am remembering the first half of her life, the half she and I were one. And today I am celebrating the second half of her life, the half in which she has begun her own journey, her own life.

How lucky am I to have experienced the first half . . . and how lucky to have witnessed the second, and to continue to witness her amazing life as she grows.

Happy Inside Out day, baby girl. What an amazing 534 days it's been.