3 More Lesson on Parenting I've Learned from Running . . . and Biking and Swimming

The other day I came across this blog. In it, the author explores the 9 lessons on parenting that she's learned from running, everything from finding your own pace to remembering to rest and recover. I think I found it particularly insightful and compelling given my own athletic background and my own slooow pace as a jogger.

I would, however, like to offer 3 more lessons to add to the list, taken from my triathlon training days.


1. DO remember to focus on the next step, not the next mile.

When I was training for my half-ironman, I often found myself getting overwhelmed at the task in front of me. When I would show up for practice and our coach would tell us we were doing a 50-mile ride through Austin's most challenging hills, I could feel my heart and mind start to race and the panic start to rise in my stomach. I had to conscientiously force myself to stop thinking about the big, overwhelming picture and start thinking about the smaller, much more manageable next step. I have to get on my bike and ride to the end of the street. I can do that. It's not scary. And when I got to the end of the street, I focused on the next step. I have to turn right and ride to the park. I can do that It's not scary. The same went with running. I have to run up and down this hill ten times?? I felt my throat start to constrict with just the thought. But if I changed my focus and thought to myself, "I have to run up this hill one time," or, some days, "I have to run halfway up this hill" or "I have to ten steps up this hill," and suddenly the hill wasn't so overwhelming. Suddenly the task was manageable.

And so, by focusing on one small step at a time--and quite literally, some days I really had to think to myself, "I can take one more step. I have one more step in me"--I found myself able, at the end of the practice or the end of the race, to have accomplished one big fat amazing thing.

The same goes with parenting. If I think to myself, "I am in charge of raising this child, of turning her from a baby into a fully functioning adult, of guiding not only her intellectual development but also her emotional, social, and spiritual development as well," I am knocked sideways with the enormity of the task at hand. How on earth can I ever be successful at that? But if I look at it on the smaller scale, if I think to myself, "I have to go home and hang out with my daughter tonight and show her how a ball bounces or how to play peak-a-boo or how to turn the pages of a book," well, that's not scary. That's easy. And fun. I can do that.

I used the same technique when my husband returned to work after the birth of our daughter and I suddenly found myself at home, all day every day, with a tiny little squirmy baby and no one else. The idea of having to take care of her all day by myself, of the million "what ifs" that ran through my mind ("What if she won't stop crying?" "What if she won't sleep?") often left me feeling short on air. I truly had to focus on the next step--we'll go play on the play mat now. That's not scary. I can do that.--in order to get through each day.

So it just becomes a change in perspective, of lowering your vision until life becomes not a giant, insurmountable challenge but a series of small, easy tasks that you have no problem completing. Of course it helps to look up every now and then to make sure that you have not veered off course and are running or biking or swimming into the weeds. But once you do that, don't forget to duck back down and focus on the here and now.

2. DO remember that you're not going to come in first, so get over it. 


In one sprint triathlon I did, I was in the first wave: 10 to 34-yr-olds. I remember lining up with a 12-year-old and thinking, "well, this just isn't fair . . . for her. How intimidating to be up against all these adults!" Let me tell you, I got beat SO BAD by that 12-yr-old in the swim that it took me 11 miles of the 14-mile bike ride to catch back up to her. And then we were probably a whole 50 steps into the run before she passed me again. That's right. I got my ass handed to me by a 7th grader. (That was the same tri where I also got beat by a 70-year-old. Yep. It was a humbling day.) It's one thing to get beat by the current world champion (which has also happened to me. Yes, the list of people I've lost to is long and distinguished.); it's a whole other thing to get trounced by a child. And it's happened in every race. I get passed by people who are younger, older, bigger, and smaller than me. By people who have top-of-the-line gear and people on mountain bikes.

Now, the point here is not to dwell on how much I suck. It's to emphasize that there will always be someone better than you. Unless you are the world champion, you are going to get beat. Heck, even the world champion gets beat on occasion. The key is to not focus on the people who are going faster than you, the people who are passing you. That 12-year-old and that 70-year-old had great races. But you know what? I had a great race, too. I enjoyed the hell out of myself. I smiled at the cows as I rode by. I stole a kiss from my husband in transition. I walked on the "run" and visited with other racers. Because it's not about coming in first; it's about putting together a great race--whatever that means for YOU.

There are always going to be parents who have more than you, who seem to be doing better than you. More toys. More crafts. More free time. More money. Parents whose kids are reading early and doing long division by the time they break their first molars. I have a friend who is a super mom. She bakes cookies from scratch and takes homemade end-of-the-year presents to her daughter's classmates at school. I live in awe of her Mom-skillz. But I never compare them to mine. Her life as a mom has nothing to do with mine. I am living my own mom-life. And I'm having a crazy good time doing it, even though it doesn't include baking cookies from scratch and doing arts and crafts (yet, anyway!). Remember to focus on your own race, your own journey. It's not about who comes in first, it's about enjoying your own unique experience getting to the finish line.

3. DO remember to celebrate how far you've come.

It's not just about celebrating the good runs, the runs--and days with your kids--that go better than you ever could have hoped, that make you feel like a total bad ass, like the Chuck Norris of the running/parenting world. It's about stopping to look back over the ground you've covered. When I would get to the end of a run, or the top of a hill, I often stopped and looked back and really took the time to celebrate what I had accomplished. It never failed to make me swell with adrenaline and pride. And happiness. Look what I did. Go me!

Four years ago I had never done a single triathlon. I had never ridden a road bike. I had never swum for anything other than pleasure. I had never run farther than three miles. Two years later and I had completed my first half-ironman. Those two years saw such growth in my own ability and endurance. Not only in the three sports, but I ate healthier and took better care of my body as a result. So often it's tempting to simply take your accomplishments for granted, to constantly look forward to the next challenge, the next goal, the next hill. But if you do that, you fail to reward yourself, even for a moment, for the challenges you have overcome, for the goals you have attained, for the hills you have conquered.

A year ago, I was blissfully pregnant. I dreamed about soft baby skin and sweet baby smells. I was caught up in the vision of parenthood and knew nothing of the reality. And now, here I am, mommy to an almost-9-month-old, and I can honestly say that I feel like a pro. I can do most things in life, including cooking, folding laundry, and typing blog posts, one handed. I can change a diaper, entertain a crying child, talk on the phone, and keep a cat away from a soiled onesie all at the same time. I can get my baby to sleep and eat and laugh and learn. And you know what? There was a HELLUVA canyon between the peak where I was a year ago and the peak where I'm at today. I have learned so.much. about parenting. And I am so proud of myself and of my husband when I stop and look back and think about how far we've come. It was hard. There were tears. There were moments we thought we couldn't do it. But we remembered to just focus on the next step, and we gave ourselves every possible thing we thought we needed in order to be successful. And here we are today. Out the other side of newborn phase numero uno and enjoying a life more fulfilling than we ever knew possible.

Don't forget to stop, every now and then, and think about how far you've come. How much you've grown. How much you've accomplished. Those things deserve to be recognized and celebrated!

So there you have it. Three more things that I've learned about parenting from swimming and biking and running. What have your own hobbies--athletic or otherwise--taught you?