Milestones-Schmilestones

Sometimes I think it would be easier if we all lived in a giant information vacuum. Down with the internet, down with instantaneous knowledge. Back to the dark ages, if you will. You know, the whole "ignorance is bliss" mindset. Because it's only when you know something, like "most babies are rolling consistently by six months," that you can realize that you are "behind." It's only when you have a ruler to hold up and measure things against that things like "inadequate" can be defined. This is what allows worry to set in. And competitive instinct. And dissatisfaction.

Do away with the ruler, do away with all the mind games that accompany it.

If you haven't guessed by now, she's still not rolling. I hate having to type that. Part of it is my own inner competitor, my own inner over-achiever. I want her to be the first and the best at everything. But part of it is my Mommy heart worrying about her. If you'll remember, she rolled early: belly to back at 2 months. But even though she learned that trick early, it's still not a consistent part of her repertoire. In the last three-and-a-half months, she's only done it another 10, maybe 15 times. It's like she was all, "Hmm . . . that was fun. Check that off my list!" and lost interest.

And back to belly? Nada. She gets over to her side--she's been doing that for a month now? six weeks?--plays a little bit, reaches for things . . . but eventually just rolls back to her back. No amount of cheering or coaxing or tempting changes that. We've tried showing her how to move her arm, showing her how to roll her hip over. I've put her down on her side and she's rolled to tummy. But never all on her own, from back to front.

At her 4-month pedi appointment, the doctor showed us some exercises we could do with her to encourage her rolling. And I'll be the first to admit that we have not been diligent about doing them. I get 90 minutes of play time with her in the evenings; TH gets less. We just haven't been willing to sacrifice the time we do get with her to drills and training. And now here we are, two weeks shy of her next doctor's appointment and I feel like we're going to get in trouble, like we're the students who didn't do their homework. I dread seeing a look of concern on the doctor's face. Concern that my sweet baby isn't doing something she should be doing by now. Maybe we should have been practicing with her more. Maybe learning to roll is more important for her development than loving snuggles and unstructured playtime with mom and dad in the evening. And now that she's sitting up, she's so much happier sitting and playing with things than laying. Do we make her lay down, just so she can practice rolling?? See, even typing that I know how stupid that is. But this is what these dumb milestones are making me think!

In the past I was always the one telling others not to worry. That all flowers bloom in their own time. That their kid isn't going to go to college without being able to roll. But now even these quips, meant to provide support, seem flippant. Now I'm the one worrying.

Freaking milestones. Dumb rulers.

It's possible she's just not a roller, right? Right?

Feel free to jump in, anyone . . .