In order for you to get full enjoyment out of the hilarious adventure that is my life, you have to understand TH. I guess first and foremost there's the fact that he's an immigrant. He was born and partially raised in the former USSR; his family left Ukraine as refugees when he was 10. They moved through Austria and Italy before finding an organization that would sponsor them and send them here. He went from 3rd grade in Ukraine to 8th grade here (due to missed time while refugees, learning the language, and entering the "New American" acclimation program at his school).
So some of his funniness is foreign funniness. He uses the wrong phrases for things. He has a cute accent. He's just...different. Understandably so, having been raised in a culture very, VERY different from ours. He's more passionate than most. He sometimes doesn't understand the whole concept of a "filter" on what you say in public. When we met, he used the dishwasher for storing clean dishes and ate ice cream out of tea cups (the former I broke him of...the latter, not so much).
He's also very all-or-nothing. If he's going to clean the house, by God he's going to take five hours to do it and clean every. single. inch. If he feels like being lazy, he could very well sleep until noon and then want to take a nap in the afternoon. Because of this (the personality characteristic, not the laziness), he doesn't adapt to changing plans very quickly. He likes having plans set and then wants to stick to them, regardless of what circumstances may have changed.
He has cute, soft, dark hair that often sticks out a little in the back. He has the kindest, most beautiful chocolate brown eyes. He's athletic but has never done anything about it. He has an infectious smile and an unbridled laugh that, when it gets going, prompts my own uncontrollable laughing because I'm so delighted that any adult can be so unselfconciously delighted.
That about sums him up.
So you take a endearingly entertaining immigrant who is pretty much all-or-nothing and likes following set plans, add it with trying to start a family and not knowing when or how much sex to have and the everlasting uncertainty of how long it will take to be successful, and you are left with a pretty funny situation.
Cases in point:
**Two months ago, TH was still saying things like, "If it were up to me, I would probably wait a couple of more years before having kids." However, we had planned on starting after his 29th birthday, and true to form, he stuck with the plan he had agreed to. We hadn't even gone one week of our first cycle when he was checking out all the pregnant ladies in town, asking me how far along I thought they were, why they weren't wearing their wedding rings (as if scandalized that anyone not married might be *gasp* pregnant--I did explain to him the whole finger-swelling issue), and how long I thought it took them to get pregnant (no, sweetie, not at all an acceptable question to ask a random lady in line).
**The other day, he almost drove into a wall (in a parking lot) while watching a family maneuvering to get their cute little chubby baby back into the car seat.
**We were eating dinner out when a young couple walked in with a very young baby in a carrier. He glared at them for a minute or two before turning to me with glowering eyes and a pouty lip. He hit the table with an open palm and proclaimed, "I want a baby!" To add insult to injury, the dad of the baby had on shoes that TH liked, too.
There are little moments like these every day, where my "I'd be fine waiting a couple of more years" husband shows me that his all-or-nothing personality has swung to "all" in the baby department.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
On the Baby Train
Hello! I guess the first post is the one for introductions. My husband and I have been married for 3 years and have been together for 12 (we're high-school sweethearts). We always knew that we wanted to be married for several years before having kids. We didn't live together before getting married, and we wanted some "us" time to enjoy being newly weds, sleeping in, goofing off, and enjoying every second of our d.i.n.k. lifestyle (dual income, no kids). And we did! In the last three years, we've taken vacations to Ireland, China, Vancouver, the Bahamas, and Cancun. I've trained for and competed in triathlons, my longest being a half-ironman. We bought a house, got two cats, took up tennis, finished grad. school, and started two great careers. To borrow from Whitman, we've sucked the marrow out of our no-kids freedom. And we enjoyed every second of it.
And now we're ready to take the next step! We're officially on C2 of TTC (cycle #2 of trying to conceive for those of you not versed in the internet chat board lingo of making babies--also, for reference, I've learned that cycle #2 is nothing compared to how long it takes many to get pregnant, so if you're reading this and scoffing at my optimism and disappointment so early in my trying journey, please believe I am fully aware of how long this process might take). Ever the eager student, I've done the research, read the recommended books (Taking Charge of Your Fertility is the hands down favorite), asked all the questions. I learned about cervical fluid and waking temps, how caffeine affects your uterus, the miracle of baby carrots and musinex and green tea, and the hot topic of keeping your butt in the air post-deed. We went into official cycle #1 giggly and fearful and optimistic.
Unfortunately, I knew all the pg symptoms but failed to pay attention to when you might realistically start to feel them, so as I approached the end of that first cycle, I felt nauseated all the time (obviously food aversions), I noted any twinges in my tummy (surely implantation cramps), and I even talked myself into believing I had "pg cervical fluid" (I'll spare you the specifics). I tested on DPO10 (10th day past ovulation, the soonest you can hope to get a BFP--Big Fat Positive). I was cooking dinner and I couldn't even bring myself to go look at the test. I sent TH (the husband) in to look, smiling to myself at how my world was about to change. Here I was, just cooking dinner on a Friday night, as normal an act as can be, and my entire existence was about to change.
Only it didn't. There weren't two lines. I immediately told him, of course it was a BFN (Big Fat No)--it's too early in the cycle to detect anything. In times like those the bravado of your words is necessary to support the disappointment in your heart. We ate dinner, just like all the other Friday night dinners we'd shared for years.
Long story short (or, at least, not as long), I tested two or maybe three other times that cycle. I managed to hold out testing until the next weekend, but my period was late (cruelly), prompting me to find hope where I had tried to shut it out. That week was something new for me. I tried to take the BFN at face value, but the hope inside whispered soothingly about testing too early, about it not being over until you start your period, about false negatives. There was a tidal wave of BFP announcements on my local mom chat board that added salt to the wound I was desperately trying to ignore. I think there were three announcements that Monday after I had first tested, on the day I had hoped to be announcing my own life-changing news. When it was all said and done, 6 girls from the board announced their BFPs in a 3-week period. Add to that an ex-roommate of mine, a cousin (twins!), and a girl on our softball team. The universe has a funny sense of humor.
The thing was, though, after the third (or fourth) BFN, I felt...relief. It was a no. For sure. I could get my mind back. I could stop obsessing about what may or may not being going on inside me. I could focus on normal things again. That's not to say I lost my desire to get pregnant right now. It's just that I could just relax again--focus on work, on laundry, on friends, on car repairs. I could eat hot dogs and drink beer and Dr. Pepper. Life could be normal again, even if it was just for another 4-5 weeks.
So here we are: cycle #2. Since I'm not charting (a scientific way of using your waking temps to pinpoint the day you ovulate), I don't know exactly when the perfect time for sex is. So we used the carpet bomb approach and had sex every day for more than a week. Which landed me with a lovely UTI (urinary tract infection). There's that sense of humor, again, universe!
So now we wait. We wait for when AF (Aunt Flo) is supposed to show. We hope she's not late again. We hope I can hold off the obsession a little more this month (I'm doing better already! I have no idea what day of the cycle I'm on or how many DPO I am). I haven't even bought any more tests, although I'm sure we'll hit up the dollar store sometime next week.
And, of course, we hope for our BFP.
This blog will help me bleed the TTC obsession from my swelling brain. It gives me an outlet to express how this journey is affecting me. Though I share everything with TH, sometimes he just doesn't understand why I can't just relax and not care so much. It's hard to share with my friends, too; many of them got pg with no trying at all. And I'm the laid-back, everything's fine person in our group, so I'm not sure they'd know how to respond to me even if I did share.
It will also help me share with the world the hilarity of my husband. I don't even know how to describe him to those of you who don't know him. The stories you'll find here in the upcoming days/weeks/months will have to suffice.
Thanks for visiting, and if you're on your own TTC journey, good luck this month!
And now we're ready to take the next step! We're officially on C2 of TTC (cycle #2 of trying to conceive for those of you not versed in the internet chat board lingo of making babies--also, for reference, I've learned that cycle #2 is nothing compared to how long it takes many to get pregnant, so if you're reading this and scoffing at my optimism and disappointment so early in my trying journey, please believe I am fully aware of how long this process might take). Ever the eager student, I've done the research, read the recommended books (Taking Charge of Your Fertility is the hands down favorite), asked all the questions. I learned about cervical fluid and waking temps, how caffeine affects your uterus, the miracle of baby carrots and musinex and green tea, and the hot topic of keeping your butt in the air post-deed. We went into official cycle #1 giggly and fearful and optimistic.
Unfortunately, I knew all the pg symptoms but failed to pay attention to when you might realistically start to feel them, so as I approached the end of that first cycle, I felt nauseated all the time (obviously food aversions), I noted any twinges in my tummy (surely implantation cramps), and I even talked myself into believing I had "pg cervical fluid" (I'll spare you the specifics). I tested on DPO10 (10th day past ovulation, the soonest you can hope to get a BFP--Big Fat Positive). I was cooking dinner and I couldn't even bring myself to go look at the test. I sent TH (the husband) in to look, smiling to myself at how my world was about to change. Here I was, just cooking dinner on a Friday night, as normal an act as can be, and my entire existence was about to change.
Only it didn't. There weren't two lines. I immediately told him, of course it was a BFN (Big Fat No)--it's too early in the cycle to detect anything. In times like those the bravado of your words is necessary to support the disappointment in your heart. We ate dinner, just like all the other Friday night dinners we'd shared for years.
Long story short (or, at least, not as long), I tested two or maybe three other times that cycle. I managed to hold out testing until the next weekend, but my period was late (cruelly), prompting me to find hope where I had tried to shut it out. That week was something new for me. I tried to take the BFN at face value, but the hope inside whispered soothingly about testing too early, about it not being over until you start your period, about false negatives. There was a tidal wave of BFP announcements on my local mom chat board that added salt to the wound I was desperately trying to ignore. I think there were three announcements that Monday after I had first tested, on the day I had hoped to be announcing my own life-changing news. When it was all said and done, 6 girls from the board announced their BFPs in a 3-week period. Add to that an ex-roommate of mine, a cousin (twins!), and a girl on our softball team. The universe has a funny sense of humor.
The thing was, though, after the third (or fourth) BFN, I felt...relief. It was a no. For sure. I could get my mind back. I could stop obsessing about what may or may not being going on inside me. I could focus on normal things again. That's not to say I lost my desire to get pregnant right now. It's just that I could just relax again--focus on work, on laundry, on friends, on car repairs. I could eat hot dogs and drink beer and Dr. Pepper. Life could be normal again, even if it was just for another 4-5 weeks.
So here we are: cycle #2. Since I'm not charting (a scientific way of using your waking temps to pinpoint the day you ovulate), I don't know exactly when the perfect time for sex is. So we used the carpet bomb approach and had sex every day for more than a week. Which landed me with a lovely UTI (urinary tract infection). There's that sense of humor, again, universe!
So now we wait. We wait for when AF (Aunt Flo) is supposed to show. We hope she's not late again. We hope I can hold off the obsession a little more this month (I'm doing better already! I have no idea what day of the cycle I'm on or how many DPO I am). I haven't even bought any more tests, although I'm sure we'll hit up the dollar store sometime next week.
And, of course, we hope for our BFP.
This blog will help me bleed the TTC obsession from my swelling brain. It gives me an outlet to express how this journey is affecting me. Though I share everything with TH, sometimes he just doesn't understand why I can't just relax and not care so much. It's hard to share with my friends, too; many of them got pg with no trying at all. And I'm the laid-back, everything's fine person in our group, so I'm not sure they'd know how to respond to me even if I did share.
It will also help me share with the world the hilarity of my husband. I don't even know how to describe him to those of you who don't know him. The stories you'll find here in the upcoming days/weeks/months will have to suffice.
Thanks for visiting, and if you're on your own TTC journey, good luck this month!
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