I have so much I want to be blogging about--all baby girl's new, amazing skills, how uncontrollable I am when it comes to buying things for her, our adventures in solid foods. But I just can't seem to focus on any of those fun nuggets enough to develop them into full-fledged posts. My mind keeps coming back to another topic, one that is decidedly less fun. My hopes are that by getting it out of my brain and into the blog, it will somehow help me process the news and unclog the creative juices. So here we go.
After 33 years of marriage, TH's parents are separating. (It's funny. I can know that news, know it to be true, and be seemingly unaffected by it, but just putting it into type made me cold and anxious.) They told us this last weekend while they were down here visiting.
No, it's not a surprise. In the almost-15 years I've known TH, they have been talking about divorce the entire time. They have . . . had . . . an unhealthy marriage, a toxic relationship. Neither of them respected the other. Neither of them was polite to the other. They were always loud. Always argumentative. But they never followed through with any of their threats. They come from a culture where you stay together no matter how miserable you are. I'm not sure if it's the Russian side or the Jewish side, or a perfect storm of both, but for them, suffering is a way of life, an art form, a badge of honor. One of them, usually TH's dad, would call TH every other year or so and bluster about divorce. But they trudged through, unhappily married, all this time.
Until now. We knew we were going to have another "talk." No one was surprised. We always have "talks" about their marriage, about what each of them want the other to do, how they want the other to change. They were in fine spirits all day, caught up in the euphoria of seeing baby girl. When it was time, we all sat down, and I noticed my FIL looking . . . tired. Not just tired. Haggard. And then my MIL read us a letter he had written her three years ago, threatening to leave her. But then she had gotten sick. Had a mental breakdown. And he stayed. And took care of her. And now that she's back, now that she's recovered, they are back to their old ways, and she has finally had enough. She was the one to say it. "I want separation." She cited the letter, reminding everyone that this is what my FIL has wanted for years. That she's not doing this TO him, that she's simply finally agreeing WITH him.
He is going to move out. Find an apartment. She is going to stay in the house. Alone.
Neither of them has ever lived by themselves. EVER. They are 60 years old. She doesn't know how to work a computer. He has never been in charge of paying bills.
I'm sad. I come from a divorced-parents home. In fact, I never knew my parents together. I am the first one to say there is absolutely no reason to stay together "just for the kids." I know that people can be healthier, happier when they are divorced, on their own, than when they continue to trap themselves in an unhappy marriage. But still, I'm sad.
I'm sad for the time they lost while forcing themselves to stay together. Starting over at 60 is not something that will be easy, and I hope that their chances at individual happiness and at finding comfortable companionship is not lost. I'm sad for their misery all these years. I'm sad for the reality of a failed marriage, of two people who were mad for each other in the beginning, who lost that somewhere along the way, somewhere along the journey of poverty and refugees and immigration and building new lives in a new country.
And I'm sad for the implications this holds for my own family. Two daily phone calls to TH instead of just one. More complaining. More problems to vent about. More loneliness to seek refuge from in our family. More help needed to solve problems their spouse could have helped them through previously. I have struggled all along with the strain TH's parents put on him, on us, how much they lean on him (on us), how much they are a constant presence in his (in our) life. And now that is only going to be compounded.
And when they're old? 20 years from now? And can no longer live on their own? I refuse to think of the implications. Refuse.
It's not that I think they're making a mistake. Their marriage was like an gangrenous limb. Infected. It had to come off. But I am fearful of what life is going to be like, adjusting to the amputation. Of the new problems it will create in all our lives.
I found out this weekend they were engaged after knowing each other only 3 weeks. Three weeks. She had been dating a wealthy man who had no clue about romance. She asked him for flowers, and he told her he would give her the money to go buy whatever she wanted. My FIL was coming out of the army. They met, and he was everything her current beau was not. Impulsive. Emotional. Intense. Artistic. She was beautiful. He told us this weekend that he proposed to her while drunk.
Such a tragically beautiful beginning. Swept away in a whirlwind.
Such a tragically beautiful journey. Determined to provide a better life for their children, they fled their home as refugees, living homeless, taking care of only each other for six months as they wandered through Europe, looking for a way to America. Starting a new life from scratch. Not speaking the language. Eking out a life slowly, tortuously.
Maybe they were never designed to last as a couple. An ill match from the beginning. Maybe it was their journey that killed them.
No matter. It was their tragically beautiful story that gave me my husband. And my daughter. And for that I am thankful to them. For everything they went through.
And now I can only wish them the same happiness they have allowed me to find.
That, and pray that their fall does not bring us all down.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Is this a Milestone?
It's true. Add me to the ranks of adoring parents everywhere. I think I have the cutest kid ever. So I did what any proud parent would do: I entered my baby in an online cute kid contest.
This has to be some kind of parental milestone, right? You fall in love. You think your kid is the cutest kid ever created. You make decisions through the haze of the perma-fog that exists somewhere between the sleep-deprived state of newborns and the well-rested glory of a baby who sleeps through the night because you are still getting up in the middle of the night to pump. What? That's just me? Oh. Anywho, I did it. I took the plunge. Made the leap. Followed in the footsteps of doting parents everywhere. I submitted baby girl's photo to an online photo contest (okay, okay, TWO online photo contests. But one of them offered a free canvas print, so total score on that. Okay, not "FREE-free" since I had to pay $10 (cough$20cough) to submit the photo, but THESE ARE MERE DETAILS.)
She needs your vote, loyal readers! So take a sec and peruse these adorable baby pics online. And if my baby girl so moves you (and if she doesn't you have a heart made of STONE!), please give her a clicky vote.
Here's the direct url: http://modelsearch.parenting.com/contests/showentry/212188
And here's the nifty voting thingy the site provided for me to post to my blog:
Thanks, and happy voting!
This has to be some kind of parental milestone, right? You fall in love. You think your kid is the cutest kid ever created. You make decisions through the haze of the perma-fog that exists somewhere between the sleep-deprived state of newborns and the well-rested glory of a baby who sleeps through the night because you are still getting up in the middle of the night to pump. What? That's just me? Oh. Anywho, I did it. I took the plunge. Made the leap. Followed in the footsteps of doting parents everywhere. I submitted baby girl's photo to an online photo contest (okay, okay, TWO online photo contests. But one of them offered a free canvas print, so total score on that. Okay, not "FREE-free" since I had to pay $10 (cough$20cough) to submit the photo, but THESE ARE MERE DETAILS.)
She needs your vote, loyal readers! So take a sec and peruse these adorable baby pics online. And if my baby girl so moves you (and if she doesn't you have a heart made of STONE!), please give her a clicky vote.
Here's the direct url: http://modelsearch.parenting.com/contests/showentry/212188
And here's the nifty voting thingy the site provided for me to post to my blog:
Thanks, and happy voting!
Monday, March 15, 2010
6 months!
Dear baby girl,
Today you are six months old. SIX MONTHS. Half a year! Let's pause for a moment while I shake my head in disbelief.
I don't even know where to begin telling you all the ways you make our lives wonderful. In fact, I've started this post several times already and erased what I had written. My thoughts are all jumbled today. So much has happened in the last month. Where do I start?
Six months is my favorite age so far, hands down (didn't I say that last month, too?). You are so fun, so sweet, so smart, so energetic.
Your smile lights up your entire face. It starts first in your eyes. They get a little twinkle in them, and then crinkle up around the edges. Your eyes are eternally amused by what you see. Your eyes smile. Your eyes laugh. Then the smile jumps to the corners of your mouth and tickles them upward, first one side, then the other. And once your eyes are twinkling and your mouth is open and grinning, the smile erupts across your face, exploding through your cheeks, until every muscle in your face is engaged, dancing, singing in euphoria. Your smile lights up the entire world.
Okay, enough poetry about your smile. Let's talk about what you're like as a six-month-old (SIX MONTHS!!). Happy. The first word that comes to mind when I want to describe you is happy. You are discovering more and more of the world, and you are gaining the ability to interact with it more and more adeptly, and this delights you to no end. You love picking things up, studying them, turning them this way and that, and then sticking them straight into your mouth. Pretty much everything goes into your mouth these days. Partly because you're teething (you can see two little white lines just about to break through the surface of your gums--exciting stuff!), but also because putting something into your mouth is just another way of exploring it, of learning about how it tastes and what it feels like.
Since we're on the subject of things that go into your mouth, let's talk solids! That's right, baby girl, you now eat real food. Grown-up food. We were in no rush to start you on solids, but in the last month you became more and more aware of us eating. Then you started staring us down like a ravenous wolf. Seriously. The most intense stares ever. You mastered sitting independently way early. You were old enough to stop nursing when you got full. All signs pointed to ready, so one day at the park, I let you suck/lick/gum on an apple I was eating. You went crazy! Every time I pulled it back you squealed and reached out for it. After that the gates were opened and we let you try bananas and avocado. So far avocado has been your favorite, and only a week into solids for dinner, you eat an entire 1/4 of an avocado by yourself. You love it! You have also tried sweet potatoes (started off kind of iffy, but you like them more every time you try them) and mango (we just tried that one last night--you weren't a big fan). Next on the menu: squash! Yum! We also started giving your a little oatmeal in the mornings now, so you are officially up to two meals a day.
I love the fact that you are eating real food. Love it. But a part of me was a little sad the day you got your first taste of avocado. That signaled the end of an era, the era of you getting all of your nutrition just from me. For five and a half months, you subsisted on only the milk I gave you, and you grew into a healthy, thriving, happy, chubby, gorgeous little girl. What an amazing thing we were able to do. I officially made it to my "super happy with myself" goal of breastfeeding you for six months (with no plans to wean any time soon!), and I am so, so, so incredibly thankful we had the time that we had together.
You do all kinds of funny things now. You are experimenting with the tone and pitch of your voice. You go from loud squeals to deep laughs, from fake coughing to repeating your favorite syllable, "da." When you get mad at us, you scold us, saying, "DA-DA-DA" with an indignant look and tone of voice. You are sitting unassisted like a rockstar, rolling both directions, and you already know the word "kitty." You LOVE our two cats, and when we say, "Ali, where's the kitty?" you look wildly around the floor until you find one of them, and then you break into a big smile. Speaking of rolling, I had just about come to peace with the fact that you weren't going to be a very big roller. You were closing in on six months and not only hadn't rolled from back to belly yet, but have never really shown any interest in rolling belly to back once you mastered it. Then a couple of nights ago, your dad heard you crying over the monitor, and when he looked at the screen, lo and behold, you were on your stomach, holding yourself up, and looking around in sleepy frustration and bewilderment. You had rolled onto your stomach in your sleep! Now you roll back to tummy with ease (it really is incredible how quickly you learn something once it clicks), and you are a tummy sleeper. It kind of makes me nervous because you tend to face-plant straight down into the mattress. But I guess now that you are growing up there are going to be lots of things that make me nervous and I'm just going to have to hold my breath and trust you.
You have always been energetic, but now that you have more control over your limbs and are capable of doing more with them, it is exciting to see just how energetic you are. You twist and turn and look at everything in sight. You are rarely content to just sit still--you want to explore! I know that mobility is right around the corner for you, and while I'm so excited to see you grow and learn new things, part of me is relishing this last bit of immobility. I know that once you can get around on your own, we are going to have our hands so very full!!
Perhaps my favorite new thing that you have learned is the ability to give kisses. After you nurse, I always pick you up and kiss your sweet rosy cheeks. I say, "kisses!" and then smooch one cheek, and then "kisses!" and smooch the other. Back and forth. "Kisses!"-smooch-"kisses!"-smooch-"kisses!"-smooch, and so on. Well one day, you turned and planted your big, wet, open mouth right on my cheek. I thought it might have been a fluke (remember, you put everything in your mouth these days!), so I gave you kisses again, and after about four, you leaned in and planted another big, wet, open-mouthed kiss right on my cheek. I thought my heart would burst. Now after you nurse and I pick you up, you are often the first of the two of us to go in for kisses. I love love LOVE your sweet baby kisses.
You are gorgeous. And sweet. And energetic. And funny. And easy going. And loving. You are the baby I would have built if I could have picked out every individual trait separately. I have no idea how I got so incredibly lucky, and you should know that I am thankful for every single second.
Happy six months to my sweet baby girl,
Mom
Today you are six months old. SIX MONTHS. Half a year! Let's pause for a moment while I shake my head in disbelief.
I don't even know where to begin telling you all the ways you make our lives wonderful. In fact, I've started this post several times already and erased what I had written. My thoughts are all jumbled today. So much has happened in the last month. Where do I start?
Six months is my favorite age so far, hands down (didn't I say that last month, too?). You are so fun, so sweet, so smart, so energetic.
Your smile lights up your entire face. It starts first in your eyes. They get a little twinkle in them, and then crinkle up around the edges. Your eyes are eternally amused by what you see. Your eyes smile. Your eyes laugh. Then the smile jumps to the corners of your mouth and tickles them upward, first one side, then the other. And once your eyes are twinkling and your mouth is open and grinning, the smile erupts across your face, exploding through your cheeks, until every muscle in your face is engaged, dancing, singing in euphoria. Your smile lights up the entire world.
Okay, enough poetry about your smile. Let's talk about what you're like as a six-month-old (SIX MONTHS!!). Happy. The first word that comes to mind when I want to describe you is happy. You are discovering more and more of the world, and you are gaining the ability to interact with it more and more adeptly, and this delights you to no end. You love picking things up, studying them, turning them this way and that, and then sticking them straight into your mouth. Pretty much everything goes into your mouth these days. Partly because you're teething (you can see two little white lines just about to break through the surface of your gums--exciting stuff!), but also because putting something into your mouth is just another way of exploring it, of learning about how it tastes and what it feels like.
Since we're on the subject of things that go into your mouth, let's talk solids! That's right, baby girl, you now eat real food. Grown-up food. We were in no rush to start you on solids, but in the last month you became more and more aware of us eating. Then you started staring us down like a ravenous wolf. Seriously. The most intense stares ever. You mastered sitting independently way early. You were old enough to stop nursing when you got full. All signs pointed to ready, so one day at the park, I let you suck/lick/gum on an apple I was eating. You went crazy! Every time I pulled it back you squealed and reached out for it. After that the gates were opened and we let you try bananas and avocado. So far avocado has been your favorite, and only a week into solids for dinner, you eat an entire 1/4 of an avocado by yourself. You love it! You have also tried sweet potatoes (started off kind of iffy, but you like them more every time you try them) and mango (we just tried that one last night--you weren't a big fan). Next on the menu: squash! Yum! We also started giving your a little oatmeal in the mornings now, so you are officially up to two meals a day.
I love the fact that you are eating real food. Love it. But a part of me was a little sad the day you got your first taste of avocado. That signaled the end of an era, the era of you getting all of your nutrition just from me. For five and a half months, you subsisted on only the milk I gave you, and you grew into a healthy, thriving, happy, chubby, gorgeous little girl. What an amazing thing we were able to do. I officially made it to my "super happy with myself" goal of breastfeeding you for six months (with no plans to wean any time soon!), and I am so, so, so incredibly thankful we had the time that we had together.
You do all kinds of funny things now. You are experimenting with the tone and pitch of your voice. You go from loud squeals to deep laughs, from fake coughing to repeating your favorite syllable, "da." When you get mad at us, you scold us, saying, "DA-DA-DA" with an indignant look and tone of voice. You are sitting unassisted like a rockstar, rolling both directions, and you already know the word "kitty." You LOVE our two cats, and when we say, "Ali, where's the kitty?" you look wildly around the floor until you find one of them, and then you break into a big smile. Speaking of rolling, I had just about come to peace with the fact that you weren't going to be a very big roller. You were closing in on six months and not only hadn't rolled from back to belly yet, but have never really shown any interest in rolling belly to back once you mastered it. Then a couple of nights ago, your dad heard you crying over the monitor, and when he looked at the screen, lo and behold, you were on your stomach, holding yourself up, and looking around in sleepy frustration and bewilderment. You had rolled onto your stomach in your sleep! Now you roll back to tummy with ease (it really is incredible how quickly you learn something once it clicks), and you are a tummy sleeper. It kind of makes me nervous because you tend to face-plant straight down into the mattress. But I guess now that you are growing up there are going to be lots of things that make me nervous and I'm just going to have to hold my breath and trust you.
You have always been energetic, but now that you have more control over your limbs and are capable of doing more with them, it is exciting to see just how energetic you are. You twist and turn and look at everything in sight. You are rarely content to just sit still--you want to explore! I know that mobility is right around the corner for you, and while I'm so excited to see you grow and learn new things, part of me is relishing this last bit of immobility. I know that once you can get around on your own, we are going to have our hands so very full!!
Perhaps my favorite new thing that you have learned is the ability to give kisses. After you nurse, I always pick you up and kiss your sweet rosy cheeks. I say, "kisses!" and then smooch one cheek, and then "kisses!" and smooch the other. Back and forth. "Kisses!"-smooch-"kisses!"-smooch-"kisses!"-smooch, and so on. Well one day, you turned and planted your big, wet, open mouth right on my cheek. I thought it might have been a fluke (remember, you put everything in your mouth these days!), so I gave you kisses again, and after about four, you leaned in and planted another big, wet, open-mouthed kiss right on my cheek. I thought my heart would burst. Now after you nurse and I pick you up, you are often the first of the two of us to go in for kisses. I love love LOVE your sweet baby kisses.
You are gorgeous. And sweet. And energetic. And funny. And easy going. And loving. You are the baby I would have built if I could have picked out every individual trait separately. I have no idea how I got so incredibly lucky, and you should know that I am thankful for every single second.
Happy six months to my sweet baby girl,
Mom
Friday, March 12, 2010
Five on Friday
Yep. This is a repeat from our family blog. But it's a good one. So you'll just have to deal.
1. She finally ROLLED!! The hard way! Back to tummy! Hooray ALI!!
2. She rolled in her sleep. Which prompted her to wake up at 10:30 p.m. and cry in confusion and sleepy frustration. I would cry too if I got stuck on my stomach when I'm used to sleeping on my back.
3. When it clicked it REALLY clicked, because she was on her tummy again by 3 a.m., again by 6:15, she rolled again when I was taking her sleep sack off of her, and again in the 10 minutes it took me to finish getting ready. It is AMAZING to see how quickly they learn something when the light bulb finally goes on.
4. I'm not too thrilled with this rolling-in-her-sleep business because when she's on her stomach, she doesn't turn her head to the side. She face plants. As in, forehead, nose, mouth, everything . . . right into the mattress. Alex got up to flip her back over to her back at 3 a.m. (once I had seen her face down in the monitor, there was no way I was going to be able to fall back asleep), which had the unfortunate side-effect of waking her up. Grrr. New skills = new challenges and new things to worry about.
5. Not related to rolling, but check out these I snapped this morning. Ali's got her fun Friday outfit on. Seriously, have you ever seen a cuter baby??
These two make my world go round. Love love love.
1. She finally ROLLED!! The hard way! Back to tummy! Hooray ALI!!
2. She rolled in her sleep. Which prompted her to wake up at 10:30 p.m. and cry in confusion and sleepy frustration. I would cry too if I got stuck on my stomach when I'm used to sleeping on my back.
3. When it clicked it REALLY clicked, because she was on her tummy again by 3 a.m., again by 6:15, she rolled again when I was taking her sleep sack off of her, and again in the 10 minutes it took me to finish getting ready. It is AMAZING to see how quickly they learn something when the light bulb finally goes on.
4. I'm not too thrilled with this rolling-in-her-sleep business because when she's on her stomach, she doesn't turn her head to the side. She face plants. As in, forehead, nose, mouth, everything . . . right into the mattress. Alex got up to flip her back over to her back at 3 a.m. (once I had seen her face down in the monitor, there was no way I was going to be able to fall back asleep), which had the unfortunate side-effect of waking her up. Grrr. New skills = new challenges and new things to worry about.
5. Not related to rolling, but check out these I snapped this morning. Ali's got her fun Friday outfit on. Seriously, have you ever seen a cuter baby??
These two make my world go round. Love love love.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
I'm a Bad Wife
We had a bunch of family in town over the weekend, so we gave up our bedroom for my brother, sister-in-law, and two nieces to sleep in, and TH and I temporarily moved into the guest room. Even though I reminded him repeatedly to transfer everything he might need out of our room and into the guestroom and guest bathroom, I guess he didn't really take me seriously, because every ten minutes there was something he needed.right.then out of our room, and it was usually when one of the girls was taking a nap in there. One of these "emergencies" came when we were getting ready for work on Monday morning and he didn't have his razor for shaving his patchy facial stubble. So he borrowed my razor.
That night, he was feeling his face and mused aloud, "My face feels like legs."
Thinking this was just another of his endearing-yet-inevitably-kind-of-awkward roundabout ways of complimenting me, I asked, "What do you mean? What does it feel like?"
Smooth, lithe, muscular-yet-slender? Nope.
"You know. Stubbly."
That's right. Stubbly. That's what he thinks legs feel like. Insert horrified.
Admittedly I haven't been awesome about keeping up with a normal shaving routine since baby girl's arrival. I was thankful she was born just at the beginning of pants season rather than swim suit season, as it bought me a solid six months of not having to worry about finding an extra five minutes in the morning to shave.
But here we are, coming out the tail end of those harried winter months (see what I did there?), and my husband thinks that something that feels prickly feels like legs.
You better believe I shaved this morning. And I plan on wrapping these smooth, lithe, muscular-yet-slender legs around him tonight so that he remembers what legs are supposed to feel like!
That night, he was feeling his face and mused aloud, "My face feels like legs."
Thinking this was just another of his endearing-yet-inevitably-kind-of-awkward roundabout ways of complimenting me, I asked, "What do you mean? What does it feel like?"
Smooth, lithe, muscular-yet-slender? Nope.
"You know. Stubbly."
That's right. Stubbly. That's what he thinks legs feel like. Insert horrified.
Admittedly I haven't been awesome about keeping up with a normal shaving routine since baby girl's arrival. I was thankful she was born just at the beginning of pants season rather than swim suit season, as it bought me a solid six months of not having to worry about finding an extra five minutes in the morning to shave.
But here we are, coming out the tail end of those harried winter months (see what I did there?), and my husband thinks that something that feels prickly feels like legs.
You better believe I shaved this morning. And I plan on wrapping these smooth, lithe, muscular-yet-slender legs around him tonight so that he remembers what legs are supposed to feel like!
Monday, March 8, 2010
To My Little Woman
To Alina, my sweet woman-to-be,
Today is International Women's Day, a day to celebrate women across the world. I look at you and think with excitement about the woman you are to become. The journey will not be easy; being a woman is hard. You must be strong without being hard. You must be gentle without being soft. You must be independent without being cold. You must be loving without being needy. You must be intelligent and confident without being intimidating. You must be gracious and and generous without giving away your self. You must strike a balance between the expectations placed on you by others and the voice that comes from within, that defines you. You have to deal with things and worry about things that men don't have to deal with or worry about.
Yes, being a woman is hard.
But it is the most wonderful experience ever. The payoffs make the cost, the effort . . . nothing.
Welcome to the world of women. It is a stronger, funnier, friendlier, more beautiful place with you in it. I hope that I am a worthy role model to lead you on your journey.
With love,
Mom
Today is International Women's Day, a day to celebrate women across the world. I look at you and think with excitement about the woman you are to become. The journey will not be easy; being a woman is hard. You must be strong without being hard. You must be gentle without being soft. You must be independent without being cold. You must be loving without being needy. You must be intelligent and confident without being intimidating. You must be gracious and and generous without giving away your self. You must strike a balance between the expectations placed on you by others and the voice that comes from within, that defines you. You have to deal with things and worry about things that men don't have to deal with or worry about.
Yes, being a woman is hard.
But it is the most wonderful experience ever. The payoffs make the cost, the effort . . . nothing.
Welcome to the world of women. It is a stronger, funnier, friendlier, more beautiful place with you in it. I hope that I am a worthy role model to lead you on your journey.
With love,
Mom
Monday, March 1, 2010
Milestones-Schmilestones
Sometimes I think it would be easier if we all lived in a giant information vacuum. Down with the internet, down with instantaneous knowledge. Back to the dark ages, if you will. You know, the whole "ignorance is bliss" mindset. Because it's only when you know something, like "most babies are rolling consistently by six months," that you can realize that you are "behind." It's only when you have a ruler to hold up and measure things against that things like "inadequate" can be defined. This is what allows worry to set in. And competitive instinct. And dissatisfaction.
Do away with the ruler, do away with all the mind games that accompany it.
If you haven't guessed by now, she's still not rolling. I hate having to type that. Part of it is my own inner competitor, my own inner over-achiever. I want her to be the first and the best at everything. But part of it is my Mommy heart worrying about her. If you'll remember, she rolled early: belly to back at 2 months. But even though she learned that trick early, it's still not a consistent part of her repertoire. In the last three-and-a-half months, she's only done it another 10, maybe 15 times. It's like she was all, "Hmm . . . that was fun. Check that off my list!" and lost interest.
And back to belly? Nada. She gets over to her side--she's been doing that for a month now? six weeks?--plays a little bit, reaches for things . . . but eventually just rolls back to her back. No amount of cheering or coaxing or tempting changes that. We've tried showing her how to move her arm, showing her how to roll her hip over. I've put her down on her side and she's rolled to tummy. But never all on her own, from back to front.
At her 4-month pedi appointment, the doctor showed us some exercises we could do with her to encourage her rolling. And I'll be the first to admit that we have not been diligent about doing them. I get 90 minutes of play time with her in the evenings; TH gets less. We just haven't been willing to sacrifice the time we do get with her to drills and training. And now here we are, two weeks shy of her next doctor's appointment and I feel like we're going to get in trouble, like we're the students who didn't do their homework. I dread seeing a look of concern on the doctor's face. Concern that my sweet baby isn't doing something she should be doing by now. Maybe we should have been practicing with her more. Maybe learning to roll is more important for her development than loving snuggles and unstructured playtime with mom and dad in the evening. And now that she's sitting up, she's so much happier sitting and playing with things than laying. Do we make her lay down, just so she can practice rolling?? See, even typing that I know how stupid that is. But this is what these dumb milestones are making me think!
In the past I was always the one telling others not to worry. That all flowers bloom in their own time. That their kid isn't going to go to college without being able to roll. But now even these quips, meant to provide support, seem flippant. Now I'm the one worrying.
Freaking milestones. Dumb rulers.
It's possible she's just not a roller, right? Right?
Feel free to jump in, anyone . . .
Do away with the ruler, do away with all the mind games that accompany it.
If you haven't guessed by now, she's still not rolling. I hate having to type that. Part of it is my own inner competitor, my own inner over-achiever. I want her to be the first and the best at everything. But part of it is my Mommy heart worrying about her. If you'll remember, she rolled early: belly to back at 2 months. But even though she learned that trick early, it's still not a consistent part of her repertoire. In the last three-and-a-half months, she's only done it another 10, maybe 15 times. It's like she was all, "Hmm . . . that was fun. Check that off my list!" and lost interest.
And back to belly? Nada. She gets over to her side--she's been doing that for a month now? six weeks?--plays a little bit, reaches for things . . . but eventually just rolls back to her back. No amount of cheering or coaxing or tempting changes that. We've tried showing her how to move her arm, showing her how to roll her hip over. I've put her down on her side and she's rolled to tummy. But never all on her own, from back to front.
At her 4-month pedi appointment, the doctor showed us some exercises we could do with her to encourage her rolling. And I'll be the first to admit that we have not been diligent about doing them. I get 90 minutes of play time with her in the evenings; TH gets less. We just haven't been willing to sacrifice the time we do get with her to drills and training. And now here we are, two weeks shy of her next doctor's appointment and I feel like we're going to get in trouble, like we're the students who didn't do their homework. I dread seeing a look of concern on the doctor's face. Concern that my sweet baby isn't doing something she should be doing by now. Maybe we should have been practicing with her more. Maybe learning to roll is more important for her development than loving snuggles and unstructured playtime with mom and dad in the evening. And now that she's sitting up, she's so much happier sitting and playing with things than laying. Do we make her lay down, just so she can practice rolling?? See, even typing that I know how stupid that is. But this is what these dumb milestones are making me think!
In the past I was always the one telling others not to worry. That all flowers bloom in their own time. That their kid isn't going to go to college without being able to roll. But now even these quips, meant to provide support, seem flippant. Now I'm the one worrying.
Freaking milestones. Dumb rulers.
It's possible she's just not a roller, right? Right?
Feel free to jump in, anyone . . .
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
